Please Stop Trying to Persuade Me

You probably didn’t expect me, a guy who teaches influence for a living, to write, “Please stop trying to persuade me.” I write that because not every conversation has to revolve around convincing, influencing, or persuading someone to your way of thinking.

If you went out to dinner you wouldn’t expect the meal for free. You might even proactively ask for the bill. You know in that setting paying is what’s expected of you. However, if you came to my home for dinner you wouldn’t offer to pay me, and I would not expect you to. That’s because there are certain unwritten social rules most of us come to know and practice. 

Depending on your occupation, your success may revolve around persuading people to your way of thinking. That’s okay but know when to turn it off. I’m willing to guess if you had a friend who was in sales you wouldn’t want them trying to “sell” you on their way of thinking each time you got together. 

Or how about that friend who turns everything into a competition? It gets old really fast and soon you find yourself steering clear of the person just to avoid inevitable competition. 

I’m tired of these sayings:

 “We’re always selling.” 

“Everything is negotiable.” 

“Life is a competition.”

I’m sure you have some you’re sick of hearing or reading about too. All of this smacks of Alec Baldwin, the smarmy sales manager in Glengarry Glen Ross, when he said, “Always be closing.” 

Coming out of the holidays I’m sure many of you can relate to uncle Joe who’s always trying to convince you why the democrats (or republicans) are wrong as you tried to eat your turkey and watch a ball game. Or maybe it’s aunt Sally giving you her version of who’s going to heaven and who is not when you just wanted to enjoy opening presents.

Please stop trying to persuade me and others about things we just might not care about or may not have the same passion around that you do. Instead, why not try enjoying us and let us enjoy you for a change?

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence. 

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His new business parable, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

AM Best TV Interview

AM Best is the premier rating organization in the insurance industry when it comes to the financial strength of insurance companies. In December, AM Best TV reached out to interview me about my book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents. During the conversation we covered the following topics:

  1.     The inspiration for the book.
  2.     Keys to success when it comes to selling insurance and how persuasion factors into the process.
  3.     Ways agents can leverage “pre-suasion” to get current and potential customers to be receptive to their message before they even deliver the message.
  4.     How agents can ethically tap into the psychology of persuasion to make it easier for people to say “yes” to them.
  5.     How any salesperson can deal more effectively with different personality styles.
  6.     The difference between influence and manipulation.
  7.     What I hope people will take away from the book.

Whether or not you’re in insurance, selling is a component of almost every job, so you’ll get some good takeaways if you watch the interview. To watch and learn, click here.  

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His new business parable, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

Quarterly Newsletter

Welcome to 2022! It has to be better than 2020 and 2021…doesn’t it? Yes, it will be! Whether or not our political and societal factions can put their difference aside, no matter what happens next with the pandemic, you and I can make personal choices each day to enhance our lives and the lives of others.

I hope when December 31 rolls around that you can look back on 2022 and say, “It was my best year ever and each year going forward will be even better!” But, to make that happen we have to continue to dedicate ourselves to professional and personal growth. I hope I can be a resource to help you in both areas.

Sincerely,

Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and attorneys.

Here’s What’s New…

Writing

I’m proud – and relieved – to let you know that my third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, came to fruition in early December. You can get your paperback or Kindle version on Amazon.

The book is a business parable designed to teach you about influence and the positive impact it can have on your life. You’ll learn the personal and professional application of influence as you follow the journey of John Andrews. John is an ordinary person who becomes an extraordinary influencer as he learns lessons from coworkers, mentors, coaches, and many others throughout his life and career.

Podcasts

I added several new shows to my podcasting page during the quarter and recorded quite a few that will appear in the first quarter of the new yearHere are a few episodes you might be interested in:

  • Jason Mefford is a great example of the power of social media. When I was in California several years ago we met in person. He invited me back on Jamming with Jason to talk about professional success and personal happiness as outlined in The Influencer. You’ll meet some of the book characters and people they are based on as you watch and listen to this episode.
  • Jason Cooper invited me back on the show to do a livestream event with the publication of my new book. We had a great time talking about some of the people I based characters on. Click here to check out the LinkedIn Live event.
  • I had a great conversation with David Carothers and Kyle Houck on the The Power Producers Podcast. We talked influence, sales, and insurance. If you’re an insurance producer click here because you don’t want to miss this one!

Best of…

More of my favorites for you to read, listen to, and watch. Some of my choices you might not like or agree with, but I would encourage you to be open minded and give them a chance because they will stretch your thinking and challenge your assumptions.

Books

You Have More Influence than You Think by Vanessa Bohns. I heard Vanessa on the Behavioral Grooves podcast and was immediately drawn to her research. Because you’re reading this newsletter you’re obviously interested in influence and persuasion. This book will encourage you because Vanessa shows through multiple experiments that you’re more likely to hear “Yes!” when you make a request than you might think. In fact, we’re often twice as successful as we might guess because people don’t like to say no and they generally want to be helpful. Two thumbs up!

Business Model Generation by by Alexander Osterwalder and Yves Pigneur. I did an in-depth review of this book for a short course I created for Emeritus. The book will help you build, or rethink, your business model. It doesn’t matter how small or large your company may be, given all the change in the world over the last two years, it’s worth the investment of time and effort to work on your business model. What worked in the past may not going forward and, like any living organism, businesses either adapt to the changing environment or die. One last note, the book is visually stunning so get a physical copy.

Podcasts

Armchair Expert is cohosted by Dax Shepard and Monica Padman. I owe a big thanks to my wife Jane for turning me on to this show. She regularly listens to it on her monthly drives to and from Pittsburgh. Dax is funny, smart, and comes across as someone you’d enjoy having dinner with and Monica, a good friend of his, plays off of his persona quite well. The show has a guest list of who’s who in sports, entertainment, and politics. Whether they’re interviewing President Obama, Daniel Kahneman, or Oprah Winfrey, Dax and Monica treat them like regular people and ask the kinds of questions you and I might ask. It’s a fun, informative show you can find on Spotify.

Hidden Brain is hosted by Shankar Vedantam. The website states, “The focus of his reporting is on human behavior and the social sciences, and how research in those fields can get listeners to think about the news in unusual and interesting ways.” I’ve listened for years and can tell you that you’ll hear a variety of guests and topics. Shankar does an excellent job teasing out learning in a story format.

Watch

Both of my recommended shows caused a lot of controversy on both sides of the political and social aisles last year. I’m of the opinion, when so many people are talking about something so passionately, I should probably watch/read/listen to for myself so I can make my own assessment. What I’ve come to find out is, most people who have an opinion haven’t watched, read, or listened for themselves. That’s why I read Robin DeAngelo’s White Fragility and Ibram X. Kendi’s How to be an Anti-Racist. I’m glad I watched both of the shows noted below and hope you’ll give them a chance so you can make up your own mind.

The Closer by Dave Chapelle is a Netflix special. Oh boy, did Dave stir the pot! If you are familiar with Chapelle then you know he will be politically incorrect and quite crude at times. He’s equal opportunity when it comes to this, calling out any person or group, to make his point. However, unlike many comedians who resort to crass humor just to get a laugh, Chapelle has a message that runs throughout this show. You make not like or agree with Dave’s message but he’s trying to make a point and comedy is his canvas.

Colin in Black and White by Colin Kaepernick also aired on Netflix late last year. Kaepernick has been in the forefront of American social justice since first taking a knee during the national anthem before an NFL game in 2016. Like Muhammad Ali was in the late 60s and early 70s, Colin is loved and admired by many, and hated and vilified by others. He almost lost me during the opening of the show when he compared the NFL combine to a slave auction. But, I’m glad I was able to set that aside to find out what life was like for him growing up because it shaped his view of society. His experience mirrored some people I know well.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

The following is a chapter from Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. This chapter is particularly appropriate just before New Year’s Eve. I hope it helps you get 2021 off to a great start.

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

If you’re like many people, then you make New Year’s resolutions; and, if you’re like most people, you break your resolutions within a week or two. According to one study, more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of achieving them, yet only about 10% do so.

That’s unfortunate because most resolutions are good! Here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions:

  • Prioritize family
  • Lose weight
  • Begin exercising
  • Quit smoking
  • Reduce debt
  • Get organized
  • Stop drinking

The list is admirable so why are these goals so difficult to achieve for nine out of 10 people? There are as many reasons as there are resolu- tions and dwelling on those reasons would not be as beneficial as giv- ing you scientifically proven ideas that can help make next New Year’s different. I’ll share an influence technique that can help you PAVE the way to success in the New Year.

In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency. This proven rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and val- ues. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other people perceive us in a more favorable light. Mahatma Gandhi put it this way, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

There are four simple things you can do with consistency to help you keep your resolutions. These easy to implement ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll dramatically increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions – or any other personal changes you want to make.

Public – Whenever you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you put yourself and your reputation on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intentions and might ask you how you’re doing, often motivates you to follow through.

This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their college grades. One group was asked to share their goal with some people. One group kept their goals in their heads and a third group made no specific goal whatsoever. As you might guess, the group with the publicly stated goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of students increasing their grades by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were identical and poor. In each group fewer than one in six students improved by a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials so they all had the same opportunity to better their GPA.

Recommendation #1 – Publicize! Share your New Year’s reso- lution with another person, or group of people, and ask them to hold you accountable.

Active – You have to actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to yourself as some sort of secret, will lead to the same results as people who don’t make any resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. However, when you do a few things, you build momentum towards your goal. Each active step gets you closer to success.

Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take some active steps. It could be as simple as buying a book about the changes you hope to make or writing your goals down and posting on your mirror.

Voluntary – This has to be your goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something – quit smoking, lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation will last if someone basically forced you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s imposed it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something you really want to do – of your own free choice.

Effort – It was already noted that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part and the more effort you expend setting up your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution in a journal can make a difference but don’t stop there. Share it with others to fulfill the public requirement, which gives you more bang for the buck!

Recommendation #4 – A little more effort, like committing pen to paper in a daily journal, will increase your chances for success significantly.

How can you Influence PEOPLE? Sometimes the person you need to influence is yourself! Try to PAVE the way to your success and enjoy the results. If you’ve failed at your resolutions, or other types of personal change, then why not give the PAVE approach a try?

  1. Public – Share your resolutions with others.
  2. Active – Take some active steps.
  3. Voluntary – Make it your goal and own it.
  4. Effort – Remember, more effort equals more commitment.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His new book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available on Amazon.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

6 Reasons Santa is the Greatest Salesman Who Ever Lived

Each year around Christmas I share a variation of this post. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus is the greatest salesman who ever lived!

Why do I believe Santa is the ultimate salesman? To start, he has a couple of success stories most of us can’t compete with. First, he’s successfully run the same family business for hundreds of years. There’s something to be said for stability, especially over the long haul.

Second, Santa has a client base that expands every year — no matter the state of the global economy.

Can your business make those claims?

But those aren’t the reasons I believe Santa is the greatest salesman who ever lived. Contrary to what you might think, his success doesn’t come from his business savvy. After all, consider the obstacles he has to deal with.

  • Business attire: Santa obviously doesn’t buy into the “dress for success” philosophy. Power suits are fine but a red suit and hat, both lined with fur, is a little over the top in today’s casual business environment.
  • Delivery system: Santa’s remains way behind the times here. His “One Day Delivery” is literally that – you get your packages one day a year. He doesn’t seem to notice in today’s economy people want what they want, when they want it, and that usually means now. But the real problem behind “One Day Delivery” might just be his delivery method. I think you’d agree the U.S. Postal Service, FedEx, or UPS would be much more efficient than eight tiny reindeer pulling a small sleigh.
  • Manufacturing: Some say Santa’s operation is too labor-intensive to survive much longer. After all, he’s competing with Wal-Mart, Amazon, Apple, and other giant organizations. In today’s marketplace, how can any business can get by without automating? Perhaps if he automated a process or two he’d have enough inventory to open this store more than one day a year.
  • Efficiency: I realize Santa gives his product away for free but that doesn’t mean it costs him nothing. He has all those elves and reindeer to take care of. Food and lodging are bad enough but health care costs have to be crushing his profit margin! And, what about worker’s compensation costs? If he automated at least he’d save a little money and might be able to take Mrs. Claus on a nice vacation – somewhere warm for a change!
  • Branding: All companies change their branding to fit the times and Santa might want to consider doing the same. After all, “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!” has gotten a bit old and stale over the centuries.
  • Orders: I think Santa could fill orders much faster if only he’d set up a website. And how about replacing all those last minute letters with email, text, instant messaging, or a Twitter account? It has to be painfully slow for him to read all those handwritten letters.

So, all this begs the question, “Why is Santa so successful…in spite of himself?” In business if you continually land new customers and retain the old ones then you’re doing something right. Here are six reasons Santa continually attracts new customers and retains all his current ones:

 

  1. He loves his job! Perhaps, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” is his corporate culture and not just some slick branding slogan.
    – Could you do the same job day after day, year after year, for most of your life, and remain so upbeat and jolly?
  2. He genuinely cares for his customers. His goal is to meet everyone’s needs and all he hopes for in return is to see joy on their faces. He personifies what it means to be customer focused.
    – Do you get joy from serving your customers?
  3. He gets to the personal side of selling. Granted he’s not always accessible but he doesn’t expect clients to come to him. When he’s at his absolute busiest, with his deadline approaching and delivery date nearing, he can be seen everywhere talking with his customers. How he can be in so many places at one time I’ll never know.
    – How often do you initiate contact with your customers, even when it’s inconvenient for you?
  4. He creates an experience. A toy is just a toy, except when it’s from Santa. Because it only comes once a year and will be found under the tree on Christmas morning it creates anticipation and builds excitement! That’s so much better than getting something online or from some mail order catalog.
    – Do you create an experience for your customers?
  5. He adds value. When people hear the word “free” they often think “cheap” or wonder, “What’s the catch?” Even though Santa gives his products away we love what he gives us mostly because it comes from him. Don’t you have a few things you value above all others because of the person who gave it to you?
    – Do your customers see you adding value?
  6. He delivers on his promise. Santa does what he says and always delivers; no excuses, no extra charge, always on time!
    – Can your customer count on you to be that consistent?

 

So there you have it, six reasons behind the success of jolly old St. Nick. Did you notice that everything Santa does is within your power to do with your customers? That’s right, there’s no reason you can’t do the same things Santa does. And here’s some welcome news for most of you – you don’t have to wear a silly red uniform while you do those things!

I hope you enjoyed this post and that you and your loved ones have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His new book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available on Amazon.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

Is Experience Really the Best Teacher?

It’s often said that experience is the best teacher. But is that really true? It may be true that we remember “experiences” more than things we only saw, read, or heard about, because oftentimes experiences engage our emotions and senses in heightened ways.

However, if you think about experience being the best teacher then you’re extremely limited in your learning. That’s because quite often experience is a one-time thing.

Now, certainly there are times where we only need one experience to learn. For example, put your hand on a hot stove and you’ll burn yourself. You’ll learn very quickly through experience, never do that again! 

But what about something like getting burned in a relationship? If the first time you fell in love you were burned, do you think that would be a good reason to never believe love was worth pursuing again? Getting burned may have taught you some things about people and relationships, but hopefully your takeaway wasn’t to avoid deep, committed relationships.

Another example might have occurred if you tried your hand at sales. If you were rejected right off the bat, or several times in a row, you might erroneously conclude that sales isn’t for you. But selling is a skill which means you can learn how to do it and you can get better through practice.

Failure is an experience but shouldn’t be a deterrent in every case. What we learn from failure and how we adjust can turn something that initially seemed negative into something very positive.

As we approach the beginning of another new year, many of us see that as a time for a fresh start. However, many others avoid making resolutions or setting goals because it’s almost a running joke that we’ll break them shortly after making them. 

I encourage you to think differently about the upcoming year. Just because you’ve had a negative experience making resolutions or setting goals in the past, that shouldn’t be a deterrent to trying again. People rarely succeed at things that matter unless they have a clear goal and a plan of action to make it become a reality.

Keep your eye out for my post on December 27th because it will outline four easy steps you can take to make reaching your 2022 goals far more likely.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His new business parable, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness is Here!

I’m excited to let you know The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness is now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Dale Carnegie rightly said, “About 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering.” Much of that human engineering comes down to your ability to ethically influence people.

Follow the life journey of John Andrews – an ordinary person who became an extraordinary influencer – as he learns how to influence people from mentors, coaches, clients, and colleagues.

As you read The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness you will learn 7 secrets that will propel you from ordinary to extraordinary when it comes to your ability to influence people. What you learn will raise your emotional IQ and help make you a better salesperson, coach, and leader. But that’s not all; it will help in all of your personal relationships. Here’s what you’ll learn along the way with John:

  • The influence process to ethically get to YES more often
  • How to employ Robert Cialdini’s proven principles of influence without being manipulative
  • Ways to identify and DEAL with different personality types
  • Five steps to tap into the power of active listening
  • Three keys to building better relationships
  • How to help people move past uncertainty and take action
  • The magic of words like because, but, and however

Make no mistake about it; the ability to ethically influence people is a skill anyone can learn, practice, and perfect. Let John Andrews show you how to do that then reap the success and happiness that comes with it.

I hope you’ll pick up a copy for yourself or someone you know.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His new book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available on Amazon.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Don’t be too Quick to Dismiss an Ass

In an online Bible study, we recently talked about receiving criticism. When do we willingly receive it? Who has the right to speak into our life? Who do we listen to? These were just a few questions we explored.

Because it was a Bible centered discussion, it reminded me of a Bible story about a man named Balaam. He had an encounter with his donkey, an ass. As the story goes, three times the donkey tried to take a different path. The Lord had put an angel in Balaam’s way to prevent him from going down a wrong path. He didn’t see the angel, but the ass did. In the story the ass spoke to him and it’s a good thing he listened.

Have you ever pushed away criticism because you thought the person speaking to you was an ass? So often we want to dismiss criticism because we think the other person doesn’t have the right to speak into our personal or professional life. That can be a big mistake.

Believe it or not, sometimes you get more truth from those who care less about you. Why? Because they have little or nothing on the line. They don’t care if you like them or what you think of them. Even if their tone is harsh or mean-spirited that doesn’t necessarily invalidate what they have to share.

In contrast, it’s often the case that those closest to us don’t always speak the truth. They may not be truthful because they’re afraid of the response or feel that being candid will damage the relationship.

We shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss someone’s advice, feedback, or criticism just because we don’t like them or don’t think highly of them. There’s an old saying, “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” I think that applies to feedback, no matter the source. The better approach would be to ask yourself, “Is there any merit or truth to what they are saying?” If there is, use it to be better. If there’s not, simply dismiss it and move on with your day.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His new book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available on Amazon.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Three Years Later – Thank You

Three years ago, I wrote the blog post below after leaving corporate America. It was scary but then, most things worth pursuing come with some risk.

With my third year coming to a close, as I look at where I am personally and professionally, I’m where I’d hope to be when I first set out. What makes it more gratifying is doing it during a worldwide pandemic. Talk about a monkey wrench being thrown into your plans!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to give THANKS again.

I’m THANKFUL to God because, had I known a pandemic was coming I don’t think I would have had the confidence to step into the unknown. Faith is taking steps into the unknown and trusting. He never disappoints.

I’m THANKFUL for my wife Jane for all her love and support. Doing this is so much easier when someone believes in you. She is pictured below with our daughter Abigail.

THANKS to Barbara Grassey for helping to bring my books to market, to Michael Franzese for his creative help with my books and branding, to Katlynn Henry for her creativity developing many of my marketing materials.

THANKS to all of you who bought my books, read my posts, had me on your podcasts, who’ve hired me, and for those who’ve said a prayer or two for me along the way.

I’m THANKFUL for and appreciate all of you.

The First Day of My New Career and the Rest of My Life

Today is the day – the first day of my new career and the rest of my life!! In September I announced a huge change was coming and it’s finally here. After 28 ½ years I’ve left State Auto Insurance to pursue Influence PEOPLE as my fulltime endeavor.

When I decided to make this move back in September my feelings were primarily a mixture of fear and excitement. As each day passed and I began to see the future more clearly the fear subsided, and my excitement grew. While there are no guarantees in life all I see is opportunity ahead.

One thing that’s really stood out with my career change is this – if you truly come to like and enjoy the people you support (principle of liking) and do whatever you can to help others (principle of reciprocity) you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how many people will want to help you before you even ask.

Not only is this a career change, but it’s also a life change. I told my wife I’m going to look at everything I do – when I get up, how I work out, where I do my work, when I work and so on – and see what changes I want to make. I feel like I’ve moved into a new house and the opportunities to make it my dream home are endless.

With Thanksgiving soon upon us this is a good time to give several big THANK YOUS.

To all the State Auto employees, former employees, and agents who have reached out to ask how they can help me – THANK YOU! Your willingness to support me gives more even more confidence that I’ve made the right decision.

To my friends at INFLUENCE AT WORK – Bob, Greg, Bobette, Cara, Eily and Jandy – THANK YOU for your support and encouragement.

To all of you who’ve been loyal readers of Influence PEOPLE over the years – THANK YOU! When I started blogging nearly 10 years ago, I never imagined I would gain a following across the country and around the world. You also give me confidence in the choice I’ve made.

One last time – THANK YOU!

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

The Influencer – A Final Sneak Peek

My third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is on track for a December release, available in paperback and Kindle just in time for Christmas! I’ve been working with my book coach, Barbara Grassey, to pull together all of the final details. Writing is easy for me, but all the steps necessary to get the book into the final format and available for sale, that’s where I need help. If you think you have a book in you, contact Barbara!

As I’ve noted before, the book is a business parable, following the life of John Andrews, an ordinary young man born into a typical American middle class family. While there’s nothing extraordinary about John, his upbringing, or education, he becomes an extraordinary influencer because of what he learns from peers, coaches, clients, and mentors along the journey of life. The good news is, all that John learns, and implements, is available for each of us.

I hope you enjoy this final sneak peek chapter before the book is available next month.

Delayed Flights

John’s relationship with Abigail was getting more serious. She was excited for him as he prepared to take over for Duane. Before his first solo trip she took him to dinner to celebrate and surprised John by inviting her parents to join them. She wanted to make it a special night for him.

They met at Pasquale’s, a small, family owned, Italian restaurant in a trendy neighborhood on the outskirts of Dallas. It looked like a hole in the wall but had a reputation as having the best lasagna and pizza in the metro area. 

Abigail’s father was a marketing manager for a large publishing company and knew taking ownership of sales for an entire region was a big career step. After his toast and well wishes they had a delightful evening.

It was Monday morning and John arrived at the airport a few hours before his scheduled flight to Phoenix. He had a late afternoon meeting planned then dinner with another client. Shortly after arriving he began to notice flight delays popping up on the board. Apparently there were storms in the midwest that were delaying flights out of St. Louis, Chicago, Detroit, and other major airports. Before long he saw his flight was delayed by two hours. That meant no afternoon meeting and, if it were delayed any further, dinner would have to be scrapped. Unfortunately he would not be able to reschedule either appointment because the next three days were packed with client meetings and dinners.

He decided he should see what options were available so he got in line at the ticket counter. He’d not been flying long enough to feel the frustration that frequent travelers were experiencing so he was a bit surprised by many reactions. The majority of travelers let their frustration get the best of them and they became very demanding with the airline employees. “You don’t understand. I have to be there by 2:00 p.m.!” one traveler practically shouted. 

John felt bad for the airline employees because he rightly understood the weather was out of their control. By the time he got to the counter customer service reps were noticeably frustrated and it was seeping out towards the travelers. Everyone was on edge so he paused and thought about what he could do. He recalled Ben’s sage advice, “Like the people you meet. Everyone has some good in them. Find the good and pay a genuine compliment.”

He asked Colleen, the ticketing agent, “I don’t travel too much. Does this happen often?” 

She was taken back by the question and said, “Doesn’t matter how often it happens. Whenever it does, it ruins everyone’s day.”

“Sorry to hear that. I’ve been watching the interactions and feel bad for all of you. I know you can’t control the weather and you’re doing the best you can,” he said in an empathetic tone.

Colleen looked him in the eye and said, “Thank you. I really appreciate that. I wish more travelers would acknowledge what you just shared. How can I help you?”

“I’m scheduled to go to Phoenix in a couple of hours. I have an afternoon meeting and dinner. If I make them that would be great, but if not, I’m sure my clients will understand. What are my options?” John asked.

Feeling less stressed and able to think more clearly, Colleen began looking for options. She didn’t mind doing a little extra work for kind people. “Mr. Andrews, I appreciate your understanding of the situation. I see we have an open seat on a flight that leaves in 30 minutes. I can get you on that flight but your checked bag won’t make it to Phoenix till late afternoon or early evening. If you’re okay with that I can make the switch.”

“That would be awesome. I can do without the bag if I can make my client meetings. Thank you so much!” he said to her.

Colleen smiled, feeling good about making a customer happy in the midst of all the chaos. As she worked on changing the reservation and printing the ticket she asked John, “Do you go to Phoenix much?”

“With my job I’ll be going there at least once a month,” he said.

“Tell you what; I’m usually at this gate most days. If you need any travel help, come find me and I’ll take care of you,” she told him.

“Thanks Colleen. It will be nice to see a friendly face when I come to the airport,” he said as he grabbed his ticket and headed to his new departure gate. 

Here were more valuable lessons: Don’t react to situations, make the choice to respond. He recognized reacting based on emotion, as most passengers were doing, usually inflamed stressful situations and worked against them. Matching negative emotions in stressful situations was like pouring gas on a fire hoping to put it out. 

“Look for the good and pay a genuine compliment if you want to make a friend,” went from good advice to a practical reality because he made a new friend with Colleen, someone who would prove to be very helpful in the near future. He decided to take the compliment a step further and sent an email to the airlines to let them know what a good job Colleen had done during a stressful situation. While he was still in Phoenix he received an email from the airline in reply to his note:

Dear Mr. Andrews,

We value your business and appreciate that you took time to tell us about your experience with Colleen a few days ago. We strive to provide the kind of service that will keep customers happy and wanting to fly with us. 

It’s apparent Colleen did just that. When we learn about employees who delight customers we make sure to recognize them. In Colleen’s case we shared the email you wrote and will reward her with an extra day off with pay.

Again, thank you for taking the time to recognize Colleen. It meant a lot to her and to us.

Sincerely,

Kim Floyd

Vice President, Customer Service

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An authorTEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.