Welcome the Newest Ahearn!

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In June 2022, I wrote a post called Tears of Joy, about our daughter’s wedding. Regarding that wonderful day, I often told people, “It was the best day of my life…so far.” I purposely said “so far” because I knew there would come an even better day.

Well, their wedding day was exceeded this past weekend. On Friday, March 14, Abigail and Tyler gave me and Jane our first grandchild. At 7:33 PM (after just 13 minutes of pushing!) we welcomed Emmett James Ahearn into the world. He was 7 lbs. 15 oz and was 20 inches long.

Abigail and Tyler had come over the Sunday before for dinner and we watched the video of Abigail’s birth. I think that was a little freaky for them knowing what was about to happen in a matter of days and because both were born in the same hospital where they would have their first child.

Jane and I were in the delivery room with Abigail and Tyler, and it was surreal to know this same scenario took place for us just over 29 years ago, in the very same place. It made us reflect on the journey raising Abigail and the anticipation of what she and Tyler will go through with Emmett and, God willing, other children.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you.” In Psalm 139:14, David wrote that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Reciprocity in Action: A Tale of Two Leaders and Lasting Influence

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More than a dozen years ago, when I was still knee deep in corporate life, one of my responsibilities was managing my company’s bonus plan. It was a massive undertaking, involving the distribution of over $20 million in year-end bonuses to 1,500 to 2,000 insurance agents. The work required accuracy, coordination, and the ability to meet tight deadlines because agents depended quite a bit on those bonus payments.

Regional VP #1

One year, a regional vice president (let’s call him VP One) reached out with a special request. They and some of their team were visiting insurance agents the next day and needed specific bonus reports and checks pulled together by 7 a.m. This was a “stop the presses” moment. My team and I dropped everything, searched through piles of paperwork, and worked late to meet the request.

The next day came and went without a word of thanks. Not to me. Not to my team. Nada. I remember telling myself, “I don’t work for thanks. I’m paid well to do what I do.” But I also knew deep down I wouldn’t put in the same effort if that person needed something again.

Regional VP #2

Contrast that with another experience. When I was traveling for sales training, I asked another regional vice president (VP Two) if my wife, Jane, could accompany me to Baltimore. I mentioned she’d occupy her days golfing but wondered if she could join us for the evening events. Not only did VP Two say yes, but he also offered to scout out golf courses for Jane.

When we arrived in Baltimore, shortly after checking in, a hotel staff member wheeled in a cheese tray and a bottle of wine. There was a note from VP Two welcoming Jane and wishing her a wonderful stay. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to us. It wasn’t transactional. It was relational. And here’s the thing—if VP Two needed anything from me, I would’ve moved mountains to help.

The Essence of Reciprocity

This is the essence of the principle of Reciprocity, one of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s core principles of ethical influence. When someone does something for us, especially in a genuine and thoughtful way, we naturally want to do something in return. It’s human nature. But true reciprocity isn’t about creating a debt; it’s about building relationships.

VP Two wasn’t trying to manipulate me into working harder. He was simply a kind and thoughtful leader. But that small gesture created a lasting impression, and I found myself motivated to go above and beyond for him. That’s how reciprocity works when it’s done authentically.

On the flip side, VP One missed an opportunity. A simple “thank you” could have gone a long way in maintaining goodwill and inspiring my team to rally behind future requests. Instead, it became a story I share as a cautionary tale.

Practical Takeaway

You don’t need to send wine and cheese to engage reciprocity. Often, a heartfelt “thank you” is enough. Here’s an experiment you can try: for the next week, make a conscious effort to express sincere gratitude to your colleagues, friends, and family. Notice how it changes the dynamic of your interactions. Does it encourage them to be more helpful or engaged?

Reciprocity, when practiced ethically, can transform your professional and personal relationships. It’s not just about getting what you want; it’s about creating an environment where people want to help you because they feel valued and appreciated.

Now, I’d like to hear from you. What are your experiences with reciprocity in the workplace? Have you had a “VP One” or “VP Two” in your life? Share your stories in the comments—I’m looking forward to reading them!

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Winning Negotiations: Influence Principles to Seal the Deal

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If you’re like most people, you enjoy the feeling that comes with knowing you negotiated a good deal. But what does “a good deal” really mean? In sales, it’s all about value, which I like to define with a simple formula: V = WIG/P   (Value equals What I Get divided by Price)

Whether it’s getting more for the same price or paying less for the same amount, a good deal makes you feel like you’ve won. But guess what? Your prospects want that same feeling when they negotiate with you!

But negotiating isn’t just about dropping your price or giving away freebies. It’s about knowing when to make thoughtful concessions that benefit both parties. This is where influence comes into play. While all of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s seven principles of influence and the contrast phenomenon could be at work, a few principles consistently stand out during sales negotiations.

Liking: People Buy from People They Like

It’s no secret—people do business with people they like. People may not buy from you just because they like you, but they’ll almost never buy from you if they don’t like you. Always maintain a friendly attitude, find common ground, and offer genuine compliments when warranted. Research backs this up: Negotiators who take time to get to know each other personally are more likely to avoid a deadlock. And remember, a little small talk can go a long way!

Reciprocity: Giving and Getting

Negotiations often work like a dance—you take a step, and your prospect follows. You don’t give to get, but it’s unlikely you’ll get if you don’t give so be flexible. When you make a concession, like adding a small bonus or slightly adjusting terms, it often prompts a reciprocal gesture. This is the principle of reciprocity in action.

For example, if you offer an extended warranty or free training, the prospect might reciprocate by agreeing to a longer contract or higher price. The key? Be the first to move toward the middle with something your prospect values.

Consistency: Remind Them of Their Words

People like to act in ways that align with what they’ve said previously. During negotiations, remind prospects of their earlier statements. For instance, if they mentioned that certain features were essential, tie those features to the price. This gentle nudge helps them stay consistent with their own desires and choices.

If they push back on price, you might say, “I remember you mentioned that having a robust support system was crucial. That’s exactly why this package, which includes 24/7 support, is a bit higher than the standard option.”

Scarcity: What They Might Lose

Scarcity isn’t just about limited quantities; it’s also about what might be lost if a deal doesn’t go through. For example, if a prospect feels the price is too high, you can offer to remove certain features to align with their budget. Suddenly, the thought of losing those features might make the original offer look more appealing.

Contrast: Reframe the Comparison

When prospects say your price is too high, it’s critical to understand what they’re comparing it to. Is it a competitor’s outdated product or a stripped-down version of yours? When you highlight differences in features, benefits, and long-term value, you shift their comparison point and make your offer look stronger.

Here, the contrast principle plays a supporting role to all of the principles of influence. When you present a high-value option next to a more modest one, it makes the original offer seem like a better deal. It’s the classic $1,000 price difference spread over a five-year product lifespan—it’s not $1,000: it’s less than $4 a week. Framing matters!

The Bottom Line

Don’t take it personally when prospects push for more for less. We’d all love a Cadillac for the price of a Volkswagen. Instead, focus on working with them to craft a solution that meets their needs and leaves them feeling like they got a great deal.

What negotiation strategies work best for you? Which influence principles have you seen in action during a sale? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear your about experiences!

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

Influenced from Above: The Intersection of Faith and Influence

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Lately, you might have noticed a pause in my weekly posts. Between a Florida vacation and business travel, my focus shifted to a passion project—my next book, Influenced from Above: The Intersection of Faith and Influence. I’m excited to share that I’ve made some serious headway!

This new book dives into something you may not have considered before; the intersection  between Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence and spiritual wisdom. For years, I’ve explored how ethical influence can help people professionally and personally. But here’s the twist: what if the same principles that drive successful persuasion also tie into timeless spiritual truths?

The idea for Influenced from Above came about after presentation I gave in town many years ago—a presentation my daughter Abigail attended. Although she’d seen me in action before, it had been quite a while. Over lunch the next day, as we chatted about the talk, she asked a question that stuck with me: “Where is God in all of this?” That simple question led to an engaging conversation about the links between influence and faith, and it’s been on my mind ever since.

Her question made me rethink how I view influence. I began to see that ethical persuasion isn’t just about business success or personal gain—it’s also about purpose and meaning. Over the years, as I’ve studied the art and science of influence, I’ve realized that many believe faith and psychology are at odds. I don’t agree. In fact, there’s a synergy when we consider how timeless spiritual principles can guide us by wielding influence responsibly.

Influenced from Above will serve as a follow-up to my previous book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness. That book introduced readers to the core principles of influence through the fictional journey of John Andrews. My new book picks up where that story left off. In this next chapter, John embarks on a new phase of his life after his career. He’s on a quest for purpose, exploring how the principles of influence can be integrated with and supported by his faith.

What makes this project so exciting is the idea that ethical influence isn’t merely about tactics and techniques—it’s about being guided by something greater. It’s about the belief that science, psychology, and faith aren’t adversaries, but allies. They each offer a unique perspective on how we can lead, inspire, and create meaningful change.

I’m inviting you to join me on this journey. Whether you’re a business leader, a curious thinker, or someone who believes in the power of blending personal values with professional success, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this project I’ve embarked on. How do you see the relationship between influence and faith? Have you experienced a moment where your personal beliefs transformed your approach to sales, coaching, or leadership?

As I continue to write Influenced from Above, I’ll keep you posted on my progress. In the meantime, your insights, questions, and experiences would be much appreciated.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

You’re Just Like Jesus—A Life-Changing Reframe

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A few weeks ago, I posted a story on LinkedIn about reframing. It was about helping an employee shift from nervousness to excitement, a small tweak with big ripple effects on her professional and personal life. That memory jogged another—the most significant reframe of my life.

Reframes can change perspectives in profound ways, often giving others clarity and meaning. Let me share two pivotal moments in my life before diving into my ultimate reframe.

The first was accepting my first job after college with Travelers Insurance. It wasn’t just a career starter—it was the day I met Jane, my wife. 

The second was an email I sent to Stanford about Dr. Robert Cialdini’s work. That email turned into a phone call, which turned into a career, and here I am—a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer, blessed to help others harness the power of ethical influence.

But the reframe I want to tell you about isn’t career-related—it’s about family, faith, and the power of perspective.

The Gift of Reframing Abigail’s Story

After years of trying to have children, Jane and I opted for in vitro fertilization (IVF) on the advice of a couple of doctor friends in our small group Bible study. It wasn’t an easy road—our first attempt failed. But the second try brought us Abigail, our source of joy. Jane and I often wondered how to explain Abigail’s unique start in life.

When Abigail was 12 years old, the answer presented itself. One evening, Jane and Abigail were watching a TV show that mentioned IVF. Jane decided it was time to share Abigail’s story.

The next day, over dinner, I asked Abigail how she felt about what her mom had shared. Like any preteen, her answer was nonchalant: “Nothing.” That’s when inspiration struck.

I smiled and said, “You know, Abigail, you’re just like Jesus.”

Her eyes widened, curiosity sparked. “What do you mean?”

I chuckled. “Well, Mom and Dad didn’t have to have sex to have you. How many of your friends can say that?”

Laughter ensued, but beneath the humor was a profound truth: reframing Abigail’s story gave her a sense of pride and uniqueness. And, it was a badge of honor that mom and dad didn’t “do that” to have her. 

A Foundation of Love

Later that year, I gave Abigail a letter I had written after her birth. It was filled with our prayers, struggles, and God’s reality in our lives as we struggled to have a child. As she grew older, that letter became a touchstone. It reminded her that she wasn’t just born—she was wanted, loved, and planned.

This reframe laid a foundation for Abigail to see herself as deeply valued and part of a greater plan. It also strengthened her faith and confidence.

Reframes in Life and Leadership

Reframing isn’t just for big life moments—it’s a tool we can use every day. In conversations, at work, or with family, reframing helps us see the same story from a different angle. It can turn problems into possibilities, doubts into discoveries, and challenges into choices.

How about you? Do you have a story where a reframe changed everything? Please share those moments in the comments.

Because here’s the truth: reframing isn’t just about changing minds—it can have a profound impact on people’s lives.


Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

I’m Not a Salesperson, I’m a Claim Rep

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I had the privilege of working with John Petrucci, CPCU, for several decades. I learned more about sales from John during the first year we worked together than I’d learned in my first 10 years in the insurance industry!

Here’s the interesting thing; John started out in claims. When he was approached about a sales position, he said, “I’m not a salesperson, I’m a claim rep.” The manager who was encouraging him to consider the sales role asked, “What kind of claims do you work on?” John replied, “Bodily injury from auto accidents.” What came next changed John’s career trajectory. The salesman said, “You have to convince people to take a certain payment for physical injuries suffered in an auto accident and you don’t think you’re selling?”

The lightbulb came and suddenly John realized he had to sell the idea of fair compensation for something that has no set value. After all, settling a bodily injury claim isn’t like setting the fair market value for an automobile or home loss.

Settling a claim may not be a “sale” in the sense of exchanging a product or service for money but here’s the reality; settling any claim takes a lot of influence because of the need to persuade.

During my time at State Auto Insurance, now part of Liberty Mutual, I had the opportunity to work with the claims team because the Chief Claims Officer, Steve Hunckler, knew that fast, friendly, and fair claims settlements involved getting claimants to do certain things to expedite the claims process.

A common example: an auto accident

The sooner the insured gets their car repaired, the happier they’ll be and the less likely they are to contact an attorney. That’s a win for them and your company. How you, the claim rep, talk to the claimant can make a big difference when it comes to them getting their car repaired quickly.

Wanting to seem reasonable and easy to work with, most claim reps ask, “When do you think you can get your car to the shop?” At that moment the claimant starts considering their schedule for a time that’s most convenient for them. Unfortunately, that could be three or four days in the future.

The claim rep who understands how to ethically influence people would say, “Is there any chance you can get your car to the shop tomorrow (Tuesday)?” This small change does something remarkable—it prompts the claimant to consider how they could make tomorrow work.

But what if they say there’s no possibility of Tuesday? Again, the influential claim rep knows there’s a moment of power after hearing no, so they respond, “I’ve done this for a long time, so I get it; accidents are a hassle. Is there any chance you can get it there by Wednesday?” Now the claimant is thinking about how they might get the car to the shop on Wednesday.

A simple approach like this might shave a day or two off of repair time. That might not seem like a big deal, until you multiply that by the number of claims the company settles in a year. Saving one or two days on rental cars has a huge impact on the bottom line which in turn keeps insurance premiums more reasonable! And the sooner the claimant has their car back, the less likely they are to feel like they’re getting the run around from the big, bad insurance company.

I’ve had my share of claims, both auto and homeowner, and let me tell you, it’s stressful. The unknowns can be nerve-wracking. But claim reps who understand Robert Cialdini’s principles of persuasion can turn that tension into trust. That’s what separates an average claims experience from an exceptional one.

Conclusion

I’ve shared one common example of a claim but based on my 30+ year of insurance experience and decades of influence training, I can tell you this for sure; there are countless other opportunities to engage this psychology throughout the claim process to create win-win situations for claimants and insurance companies.

So, to all the claim reps reading this, you might not call yourself a salesperson—but you are an influencer. And when you learn to embrace that role, you’ll create better outcomes for your claimants, your company, and yourself.

Edited with chatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Doing the Opposite Can Make You More Influential – part 2

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Last week I mentioned the classic Seinfeld episode, The Opposite. George’s interaction with Jerry and Elaine highlighted a paradox when it comes to influence and persuasion: instinctive approaches often backfire. In that post I shared three common mistakes — along with counterintuitive, science-backed approaches to help you ethically and more effectively influence people. I promised three more tips this week so here you go!

1. Make Effort Feel Worth It

Ever hear, “Operators are standing by. Call now!”? While it sounds reassuring, it creates the picture that operators are sitting round chatting and twiddling their thumbs because no one is calling.

Do the opposite: Subtle social proof works wonders. When NordicTrack debuted on TV, they didn’t say operators were waiting. Instead, they said, “If operators are busy, please call again.” Sales skyrocketed because people assumed demand was high and they didn’t want to miss out.

Your Influence Tip: Make it easy to act, but don’t make it so easy that people don’t see value or demand.

2. Confusing Your Consistency with Another’s

Your personal consistency — living up to your promises — is hugely important because it makes you trustworthy. However, when it comes to the principle of consistency remember this; it’s not about you, it’s about the other person. 

Do the opposite: Focus on what the other person has said, done, believes, or values. Most people will live in alignment with how they see themselves and how others perceive them.

Your Influence Tip: Stop telling people what to do, “I need your help.” Instead, tap into a previously displayed positive trait. Try this approach, “You’ve been so helpful in the past. I hope you’ll be able to help me…” Dale Carnegie pointed out; when you giving the other person a fine reputation, they’ll usually live up to it.

3. Focus on What They’ll Lose, Not Just What They’ll Gain

Talking about benefits — “Look at all you’ll get!” — is common. After all, we like positive people and approaches. But research shows people are more motivated to avoid loss than to achieve gain.

Do the opposite: Reframe your message to focus on what’s at stake. Bose followed this strategy with their Wave Sound System. When they switched from a “NEW” campaign approach to “Hear what you’ve been missing,” sales surged by 45%.

Your Influence Tip: Instead of saying, “Sign up for our free course and gain new skills,” try, “Don’t miss out on this free course — it won’t be available forever.”

The Irresistible Opportunity…Again

Behavioral research is clear that common-sense approaches to influence don’t always lead to success. When you embrace the counterintuitive principles of persuasion, you get better results with less effort.

Would you like to learn more strategies that are sure to boost the bottom line? Join my Cialdini Community and access these free gifts taught by Dr. Robert Cialdini, the “Godfather of influence”:

  • Persuasion Power Course: Enhance your influence skills immediately.
  • Certified Practitioner Program Trial: A preview of our flagship training.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to boost your influence skills and positively impact results. Click here to get started.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!



Doing the Opposite Can Make You More Influential – part 1

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Are you a Seinfeld fan? If so, you’ll likely remember The Opposite, one of the most iconic episodes of the series. In it, George Costanza decides that every instinct he’s ever had has been wrong. With nothing to lose, on the encouragement of Jerry and Elaine, he decides to start doing the opposite of his instincts. Surprisingly, life starts working quite well for George and he gets a date!

This comedic gem points to an interesting paradox in influence and persuasion: often, our instinctive approaches backfire. Here are three common mistakes — and how a counterintuitive, science-backed approach can help you ethically and effectively influence others. And stay tuned next week for three more.

1. Stop Trying So Hard to Be Liked

It makes sense to want people to like you — after all, we prefer to do business with those we like. Yet, trying too hard comes off as desperate and often repels people.

Do the opposite: Instead of trying to get others to like you, focus on liking them. Take a genuine interest in their lives, find commonalities, and give sincere compliments. This shift in mindset makes connections natural and effortless because liking is reciprocal: people like those who like them.

Your Influence Tip: Next time you’re networking, ask questions to uncover shared experiences or values. Let others feel seen and heard.

2. Rewards Aren’t Always Rewarding

Rewards are everywhere in business: hit a goal, earn a bonus; cut costs, keep a share of savings. But rewards often come with unintended consequences, like short-term thinking or gaming the system.

Do the opposite: Leverage the principle of reciprocity. Instead of dangling a reward after someone acts, give a small, unexpected gift upfront. Studies show that upfront gifts inspire people to reciprocate in bigger ways.

For example, in one study, contractors were given either a $5 upfront gift or a promised $50 reward to complete a survey. The upfront $5 more than doubled response rates and cost 57% less. That’s a winning formula for any business!

Your Influence Tip: Look for opportunities to give. Small, thoughtful gestures can be far more motivating than rewards that feel transactional. 

3. Drop the Shame Game

Ever see posts like this on social media? “97% of people won’t have the guts to share this. Will you?” It’s intended to inspire action for a worthy cause, but it actually normalizes inaction.

Do the opposite: Highlight positive trends or actions others like them are taking (leveraging social proof). For example, if you have a new product, you might say, “Six of the last eight clients saw the value and jumped on board.” People trust trends — and often believe they’ll continue.

Your Influence Tip: Avoid shaming language. Instead, point to the positive behavior others are modeling and people are more likely to follow their lead.

An Irresistible Opportunity for You

Decades of behavioral research show that common-sense approaches to influence in sales and marketing don’t always lead to success. When you embrace the counterintuitive principles of persuasion, you get better results with less effort.

Want to learn more strategies that are sure to boost your results? Join my Cialdini Community today and unlock these free gifts taught by the “Godfather of influence” Dr. Robert Cialdini:

  • Persuasion Power Course: Boost your influence skills immediately.
  • Certified Practitioner Program Trial: A sneak peek at our flagship training.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to up your influence skills and make a bigger impact. Click here to get started.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!



Quarterly Newsletter

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Welcome to 2025! The older I get, the faster time seems to fly by. It’s like going down a slide because feels like time accelerates. I enjoy the start of the new year because it feels like fresh possibilities. I know, January 1st is really no different than any other day but there are days when we are more likely to start new things. The first day of a week, month, or year, are some of those days. If you want proof, pick up a copy of Dan Pink’s book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing.

By the time you read my next newsletter, Jane and I will be grandparents! Our daughter Abigail and her husband Tyler are expecting in March. We’re eagerly anticipating the arrival of Pancake. Abigail and Tyler are not going to find out the sex (some surprises in life are worth waiting for) so I nicknamed the baby. I came up with that when I texted Abigail about grabbing coffee one morning and she responded, “Baby wants pancakes.” 😊

I hope 2024 was a great year for you and that 2025 proves to be your best so far. That won’t happen without goals and hard work so get get after it starting today!

Sincerely,
Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Last quarter I was in Melbourne, Australia to work with a client. When I left my corporate role, one goal was to travel the world to teach people about ethical influence. I checked that box! Not only was the trip great on a professional level, but it was also personally. Jane joined me and we stayed for two weeks. We explored Melbourne, drove the Great Ocean Road, saw amazing wild life and snorkeled with dolphin. Amazing!

My calendar is filling and Q1 has me in Denver, Tucson, and Columbus for speaking events. I’m also doing lots of work with the Cialdini Institute as I help a cohort become Cialdini Licensed Trainers.

Writing

His Story, My Story, Our Story, came out June and I continue to be overwhelmed by the feedback. I’ve spoken about the book at a few corporate book clubs and hope to do more in 2025 because of the impact the book is having.

The book delves into my father’s time as a Marine Captain in Vietnam, the impact those experiences had on my life, and our relationship. If you’ve not already picked up your copy, visit Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Books-A-Million. If you have read it, an Amazon review would be greatly appreciated.

One reader wrote:

“Brian Ahearn’s book is an absolute gem one-two combo! First, is an honest, touching family history illustrating the power of love and loyalty. Brian, a taekwondo black belt, former athlete, and entrepreneur, opens up about his life in a very relatable way. Page-turning, emotional reveals kept me highly entertained on a road of practicable enlightenment. Just when you think you’ve got it all, in comes his father’s incredible Vietnam War journal –gripping tales of bravery and camaraderie, perfect for any military history fan. These real-life combat experiences are intense yet heartwarming, capturing the spirit of the marines in a way anyone will understand and appreciate. This family saga with a side of riveting war stories is top notch home-cooked inspiration!”

In Case You Missed It…

During the quarter I was a guest on a couple of podcasts you may want to check out.

Negotiate Anything Podcast – His Story, My Story, Our Story

Kwame Christian, founder of the American Negotiation Institute and host of the Negotiate Anything podcast, invited me back to the show…for the 5th time! This conversation didn’t revolve around influence or negotiations. Instead, we talked about my book, His Story, My Story, Our Story. Fatherhood, sacrifice, and service were themes we touched on. Click here to listen.

The Nudge Podcast – Can I Persuade 20 Strangers to Listen to The Nudge Podcast?

I joined Phil Agnew on his podcast, Nudge, to discuss the real-world application of pre-suasion approaches. What was so interesting is that Phil took what we discussed and put it to the test to see if he could use pre-suasion to convince more people to listen to his show. Click here to listen and find out the results of his experiment.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

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The following is a chapter from Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. This chapter is particularly appropriate just before New Year’s Eve. I hope it helps you get 2025 off to a great start.

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

If you’re like many people, then you make New Year’s resolutions; and, if you’re like most people, you break your resolutions within a week or two. According to one study, more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of achieving them, yet only about 10% do so.

That’s unfortunate because most resolutions are good! Here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions:

  • Prioritize family
  • Lose weight
  • Begin exercising
  • Quit smoking
  • Reduce debt
  • Get organized
  • Stop drinking

The list is admirable so why are these goals so difficult to achieve for nine out of 10 people? There are as many reasons as there are resolu- tions and dwelling on those reasons would not be as beneficial as giv- ing you scientifically proven ideas that can help make next New Year’s different. I’ll share an influence technique that can help you PAVE the way to success in the New Year.

In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency. This proven rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and val- ues. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other people perceive us in a more favorable light. Mahatma Gandhi put it this way, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

There are four simple things you can do with consistency to help you keep your resolutions. These easy to implement ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll dramatically increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions – or any other personal changes you want to make.

Public – Whenever you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you put yourself and your reputation on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intentions and might ask you how you’re doing, often motivates you to follow through.

This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their college grades. One group was asked to share their goal with some people. One group kept their goals in their heads and a third group made no specific goal whatsoever. As you might guess, the group with the publicly stated goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of students increasing their grades by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were identical and poor. In each group fewer than one in six students improved by a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials so they all had the same opportunity to better their GPA.

Recommendation #1 – Publicize! Share your New Year’s reso- lution with another person, or group of people, and ask them to hold you accountable.

Active – You have to actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to yourself as some sort of secret, will lead to the same results as people who don’t make any resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. However, when you do a few things, you build momentum towards your goal. Each active step gets you closer to success.

Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take some active steps. It could be as simple as buying a book about the changes you hope to make or writing your goals down and posting on your mirror.

Voluntary – This has to be your goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something – quit smoking, lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation will last if someone basically forced you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s imposed it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something you really want to do – of your own free choice.

Effort – It was already noted that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part and the more effort you expend setting up your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution in a journal can make a difference but don’t stop there. Share it with others to fulfill the public requirement, which gives you more bang for the buck!

Recommendation #4 – A little more effort, like committing pen to paper in a daily journal, will increase your chances for success significantly.

How can you Influence PEOPLE? Sometimes the person you need to influence is yourself! Try to PAVE the way to your success and enjoy the results. If you’ve failed at your resolutions, or other types of personal change, then why not give the PAVE approach a try?

  1. Public – Share your resolutions with others.
  2. Active – Take some active steps.
  3. Voluntary – Make it your goal and own it.
  4. Effort – Remember, more effort equals more commitment.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!