Quarterly Newsletter

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I love fall because it’s the nicest weather of the year in Columbus, Ohio. The nights are cool and crisp, and the days are sunny and warm, and there’s very little humidity. On top of all that, it’s the start of the football season. 😊

There are only three month left in 2024, but that’s enough time to sprint the finish to end the year right and roll into 2025 with momentum. I hope you’re on track for a great year, professionally and personally!

But here’s the biggest news to share with you. Our daughter Abigail and her husband Tyler are expecting! Jane and I are excited to become grandparents in March. Being a father has been one of the greatest joys in my life and I have a feeling being a grandparent will match or exceed it.

Sincerely,
Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Q2 included trips to Indianapolis, Westfield Center, and Des Moines. That was in addition to work here in Columbus and online training. In a few weeks I’m off to St. Louis and then it’s Melbourne, Australia! When I left my corporate role, one of my goals was to travel the world to teach people about ethical influence and the impact it can have professionally and personally. Hopefully the trip to Australia will be the first of many overseas adventures for Jane and me.

Writing

My newest book, His Story, My Story, Our Story, launched in early June and I continue to be overwhelmed by the feedback.

The book delves into my father’s time as a Marine Captain in Vietnam, the impact those experiences had on my life, and our relationship. If you’ve not already picked up your copy, visit Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Books-A-Million.

Here are recent comments from readers:

“I enjoyed reading you and your father’s story. It motivated me to consider the positive influence I can have as a father over the next 20+ years, Lord willing!”

“The author’s very moving and (for me) tear-generating book beautifully and painfully described all the by-products of such a brave sacrifice.”

“You, your dad and your family positively influence the world around you.”

In Case You Missed It…

During the quarter I was a guest on several more podcasts. I enjoy podcasts because of the people I meet, exposure to new audiences, and a chance to share influence stories to help listeners.

Above Board with CandorPath Podcast  – The Power of Pre-suasion

John Kennedy invited me back on his show to talk about Pre-suasion, ways you can set the stage for more effective influence. We also touched on the ethics of influence. John is such an enjoyable person that I could talk to him for hours, but we limited our conversation to 45 minutes. To watch and listen on YouTube, click here.

Keep Hustling Podcast – Virtuous Hustle

I connected with Aaron Gordon after hearing his interview with a mutual friend, Carey Wallace. We dove into the significance of honesty and transparency in sales, the ethical use of influence, and the psychology behind persuasion. I shared my journey from the insurance industry to becoming an entrepreneur and highlighting the importance of addressing objections strategically. To listen in on YouTube, click here.

Shopper Approved Podcast – Applying Robert Cialdini’s Principles of Influence in Business

I met Duane (DJ) Sprague and Scott Brandley at Influence Amplified when they were promoting their new book, Reputation King. Because they’re big Cialdini fans, they invited me on their show to talk about different ways to utilize the principles of influence in business. Click here to check out the episode.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Knowing When Your Best “Yes” Might Be Saying “No”

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As someone who spends much of my time teaching people how to hear “yes,” it might seem unusual for me to write about the importance of saying “no.” But sometimes, your most empowering “yes” comes from a thoughtful “no.”

A Story of No: The Lesson of Saying No Gracefully

This idea hit home for me when I saw something online recently that reminded me of an incident with my daughter, Abigail, when she was around 12 years old. Abigail attended a school camp where one rule was that if anyone at the table didn’t finish their food, the entire table had to stand up and sing. At one meal, some of Abigail’s classmates didn’t finish their food, so they were all asked to stand and sing. Abigail stood up, but she didn’t sing. The camp counselor noticed and said, “I saw you didn’t sing.” Abigail, always direct (that’s my girl!), responded, “I don’t like singing.” The counselor challenged her, saying, “I’ll get you to sing.” Abigail politely responded, “No, you won’t.”

It became a battle of wills, with the counselor trying to pressure Abigail to comply. But Abigail remained firm, and eventually, her friends, feeling the tension, stood up to sing with her. Still, Abigail said no.

When she came home from camp, my wife Jane, who had been a chaperone, told me the whole story. I decided to talk with Abigail about it. Knowing she might have expected me to be upset, I surprised her when I said, “I’m proud of you.” She asked why and I explained that learning to say no is one of the most important life skills she could develop. It protects your boundaries and values, even when others try to sway you. However, I also cautioned her to recognize that in certain situations—like school—where teachers have the authority to tell her to certain things, and it’s important to be discerning. That was a moment of bonding for both of us because she knew her mom and I had her back.

This story reflects a lesson we all need to carry into adulthood: sometimes, saying no is the strongest “yes” you can give yourself.

The Power of No in Everyday Life

Fast forward to today, and this lesson is one I apply often, especially when I reflect on the power of influence. In my role as a LinkedIn Learning instructor with over 23,000 followers, I receive lots of connection requests and invitations for virtual meetings. People want to connect, and most are genuine. But I’m only one person with limited time. I can’t jump on a 30-minute Zoom call with everyone who asks, no matter how tempting it may be to meet new people or deepen relationships.

So, I say no—a lot. It’s not because I don’t want to connect or help, but because I need to protect my most precious resource—time. I need that time for what matters most, both personally and professionally. By saying no to one thing, I’m creating space to say yes to something else that aligns with my goals or values.

Mastering the art of saying no is a skill that takes time and practice, but it’s one of the most empowering tools you can develop. It allows you to set boundaries and prioritize what’s important without feeling overwhelmed or guilty.

Influence Isn’t Always About Getting to Yes

As someone who teaches how to hear “yes,” you might think the goal is to always get others to agree. But sometimes, understanding when to say no is equally important. In his best-selling book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Dr. Robert Cialdini includes defense mechanisms against automatic compliance at the end of each chapter. He emphasizes that if someone is using influence principles unethically, or if saying yes isn’t in your best interest, you need strategies to defend yourself.

The key to ethical influence is knowing when a no is necessary to protect your values, resources, or priorities. As you face the demands of a hyper-connected world, where people constantly seek your attention, being selective about your yeses becomes even more crucial.

How to Say No—Gracefully

So, how can you say no without feeling like you’re letting someone down? Here are a few strategies:

  • Acknowledge the request: Show appreciation for the invitation, opportunity, or offer.
  • Be honest: Give a brief, truthful explanation about why you can’t commit. Most people will understand if you’re up against a busy schedule.
  • Offer an alternative: If appropriate, suggest another way to help or a later time to reconnect.

In the end, saying no can be a way of affirming your priorities while respecting others. It’s not about rejecting someone—it’s about protecting your time.

Conclusion: The Empowering No

As you navigate life and business, remember that not every opportunity deserves a yes. Sometimes, a no will open doors for greater, more meaningful yeses later. By learning to say no gracefully, you create room to invest your time, energy, and attention in the things that matter most.

In a world that constantly pushes for more, more, more, there’s true power in mastering the art of saying yes less.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Why We Follow The Crowd…Even When We Know Better

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Many years ago, when I still worked downtown, I had an “ah ha” moment about how easily we get swept along by the actions of others. The revelation occurred on my 15 mile drive to the office. It was early—just before 7 a.m. on a beautiful day. The sky was clear, the air was crisp, and, fortunately, traffic was light. I live in Columbus, Ohio, where an early start can make a big difference on the drive into the city. With my coffee in hand, I was cruising comfortably, a little over the speed limit but feeling relaxed and in control.

As I drove, I noticed a few cars far ahead and some in my rearview mirror, gradually catching up to me. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by cars. Almost instinctively, I found myself matching their pace. My initial speed of 70 mph crept up to 80 mph. I had unconsciously been swept along by the flow of traffic around me. And just when I realized this and decided to slow down, I spotted a highway patrol car up ahead. As you might imagine, I felt a wave of relief that I’d reduced my speed just in time to avoid a potential speeding ticket.

Reflecting on what transpired, I realized I’d experienced the principle of social proof in action. Social proof is a powerful psychological phenomenon where we look to others for clues on how to behave, especially when we’re in unfamiliar territory. In my case, I knew the speed limit, but seeing everyone else driving faster influenced me to unconsciously increase my speed.

This principle of influence all around us in our daily lives, not just on the highway. Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m not swayed by others’ behavior. I make my own choices.” But consider these scenarios:

  • Do you stand during a standing ovation, even if the performance didn’t move you? Few people feel comfortable sitting while everyone else stands.
  • Ever dressed a certain way to match the environment or crowd, only to look back at old photos and wonder, “What was I thinking?” I think everyone 50+ wonders that about clothing styles in their youth.
  • Have you tried a restaurant’s “most popular dish” just because the server mentioned it?
  • Or held back from grabbing food when someone says, “Dinner is ready”? We tend to feel more comfortable after a few people start filling their plates.

These are everyday examples of how we’re subtly influenced by the actions of those around us. It’s part of being human—our desire to fit in, to be part of the group, to go with the flow.

And most of the time, it works in our favor. Going along with the crowd helps us feel connected, promotes social harmony, and often leads to good decisions. But sometimes, it can steer us in the wrong direction, leading to risky behaviors or choices that don’t necessarily align with our values.

Think about the power of social proof in these contexts:

  • Driving habits: Excessive speeding isn’t just illegal; it’s dangerous. Yet, we often speed up just to keep up with traffic.
  • Peer pressure: For teenagers, fitting in can mean making poor choices related to drinking, drugs, or risky behaviors.
  • Workplace culture: How often do we hear, “Well, that’s just how things are done here”? Following the crowd at work, especially when it involves cutting corners or unethical behavior, can have serious consequences.

This week, I challenge you to reflect on your own behaviors. Are you doing things because you genuinely want to, or are you feeling an unconscious pressure to conform? Are your choices truly in your best interest, or are they meant to please others or fit into a group?

Remember, there are people who understand the science of influence and use it to their advantage—usually ethically, but sometimes not. Recognizing when you’re being swept along can help you take back control. Stay aware, stay true to your values, and navigate the highway of life on your terms.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Your Worldview Shapes Your Influence

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I often reflect on my worldview, and I’d like to invite you to do the same. What’s your worldview? For me, a worldview is the filter through which we interpret what we see and experience from the surrounding environment others. It’s the lens that shapes our reality.

As for my worldview, it’s deeply influenced by my Christian faith, which guides me in seeing life both in the present and beyond. But another powerful lens I use every day is that of influence—understanding why people do what they do and learning how to ethically persuade them.

Why is this so dominant for me? Because like you, I want people to say “Yes.” Whether it’s my Jane agreeing to weekend plans, my daughter Abigail and son-in-law Tyler following advice, a prospective client bringing me on board, or even the customer service rep on the other end of the phone, we all want that positive response.

The Science Behind Influence

What I share with clients are science-based insights about influence. It’s not just “mom or dad’s good advice”—although they were usually right! It’s about understanding the principles of influence that have been proven by more than nine decades of social science research. These principles won’t make you a mind reader, but they can help you approach situations with greater confidence and effectiveness.

For instance, did you know that a restaurant owner reduced no-shows from 30% to 10% with just two simple words? Or that a salesperson increased sales by 610% by adding one small piece of relevant information? These examples come from studies that reveal simple but powerful ways to shift behavior.

I’m a believer because I’ve studied the science and have experienced the results firsthand. My worldview—shaped by the principles of liking, scarcity, reciprocity, social proof, authority, consistency, and scarcity—explains a lot about why people do what they do.

Seeing the World Through New Glasses

Reflecting on our worldviews reminds me of getting my first pair of glasses as a teenager. I had no idea my eyesight was so poor until I put those lenses on. Suddenly, I could see the blades of grass and leaves on the trees. It was like discovering a new world! Similarly, the lens of influence has transformed how I understand people and their actions.

I’m not a researcher, but I have an insatiable curiosity to understand these concepts and apply them in practical ways to achieve success. I’ve been fortunate to share my passion for influence with people around the world, thanks to platforms like YouTube and LinkedIn Learning. Seeing that reach and impact excites me every day!

Your Worldview and Influence

So, how does your worldview impact your ability to influence? It shapes everything—from how you interpret others’ actions to how you communicate your own needs and ideas. If you view the world through the lens of scarcity, for instance, you might be quick to emphasize what others stand to lose. If your lens is about overcoming uncertainty using social proof, you may naturally look for common ground and shared values.

Understanding your own lens is the first step to becoming a more effective influencer. When you know what drives you, you can better connect with and persuade those around you. This is not an easy endeavor. Ben Franklin said, “Three things are extremely hard; steel, a diamond, and to know oneself.”

An Invitation to Reflect and Share

This post is less about specific persuasion tactics and more about offering a window into my mind and my worldview. I hope it inspires you to reflect on yours. How do you see the world? What lenses do you use to make sense of it? How do you believe your worldview shapes your ability to influence others? I encourage you to share your reflections in the comments because your insights might just help someone see the world—and the power of influence—in a whole new way!

Thank You!

To all of you who read, comment, and connect—I appreciate you! You make my day, and I’m grateful for this shared journey of understanding and ethical influence.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

A Celebrity “Unendorsement”: Ronaldo’s Rejection of Coca-Cola is a $4 Billion Lesson in Influence

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Have you ever wondered if a celebrity’s endorsement really sways your buying decisions? Think of Matthew McConaughey cruising in a Lincoln—does it make you want to drive one? Maybe, if you’re a fan of The Lincoln Lawyer, but it’s doubtful McConaughey himself regularly drives a Lincoln. 

So, does celebrity advertising work? It can—if done right. More than a decade ago I wrote, Does Celebrity Advertising Really Work?, and concluded, “I believe celebrity advertising can be extremely effective if it’s done right. Throwing famous people in ads for no reason other than their celebrity is a recipe for failure. However, choose a celebrity for a product where people want to feel like the celebrity in some way and you might have a winner on your hands.”

But what happens when a celebrity “unendorses” a product? That brings us to Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the most famous athlete in the world’s most popular sport. Even if you’re not a soccer fan, you likely know his name. With millions of fans and aspiring soccer players hanging on his every word, he wields more influence than most of us realize—even perhaps Ronaldo himself.

In a press conference, Ronaldo did something simple yet impactful: he pushed aside two bottles of Coca-Cola and said, “Aqua” (water). That small act spoke volumes. According to ESPN, Coca-Cola’s share price plummeted by 1.6%, wiping out a staggering $4 billion in market value. Joe Rogan even commented on this incident on his podcast, amplifying the story further.

This is a textbook example of two powerful principles of influence: liking and authority. Ronaldo is not just well-liked; he’s adored worldwide. His status as a top athlete gives him authority when it comes to health and fitness choices. When he shunned Coke, fans around the globe noticed. Many decided that if water was good enough for Ronaldo, it was good enough for them, too. The lesson? A celebrity “unendorsing” your product can be as impactful—if not more—than a paid endorsement.

The Power of Liking and Authority in Celebrity Influence

Why does this work? Simple: people like Ronaldo. They admire his talent, dedication, and discipline. As a result, they trust his choices. This is the principle of liking in action: we are more likely to be influenced by people we like and admire.

Then there’s authority. Ronaldo is a top athlete known for his fitness and diet. If he chooses water over a soft drink, it sends a message that resonates with his fans: water is the healthier choice. The impact of his simple gesture was a powerful lesson for Coca-Cola and anyone paying attention to the mechanics of influence.

Laurence Maslon, a professor at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts, stated in the article, From Sinatra to Streisand: 100 Years of Celebrity Political Endorsements, “An endorsement does more for the endorser than the endorsee.” Ronaldo’s action certainly seems to confirm this, but with a twist: his rejection boosted his personal brand while causing a sharp downturn for Coca-Cola.

How to Use This Lesson in Your Own World

Think about how this applies to your business or career. Are you leveraging the principles of liking and authority effectively? More importantly, are you prepared for the impact if a popular figure decides to reject your product or service? Here are a handful of tips to consider:

  1. Choose Your Endorsers Carefully: Align your brand with celebrities or influencers whose values and lifestyles match your product. A mismatch can lead to a PR nightmare, as Coca-Cola discovered.
  2. Leverage Authority and Expertise: If you’re in a niche market, find influencers who have recognized authority in that field. A recommendation from a well-respected figure can make or break your product.
  3. Understand the Impact of “Unendorsements”: Be aware that just as an endorsement can lift your brand, an “unendorsement” can drag it down. Prepare for both scenarios and have a strategy in place.
  4. Build Your Brand with Authenticity: If your product is authentically aligned with your endorsers, you’re less likely to face a sudden backlash. Consumers today are savvy and can sense when an endorsement doesn’t feel genuine.
  5. Use Celebrity Criticism to Your Advantage: If a celebrity criticizes your product, don’t panic. Address it head-on. Show how you’re improving or clarifying any misconceptions. Engage with your audience to build trust and transparency.

Final Thoughts: The Ripple Effect of Celebrity Actions

It’s easy to underestimate the impact of a celebrity’s actions on a brand’s reputation and financials. Ronaldo’s simple gesture proved that not all publicity is good publicity. He also demonstrated the immense power of influence principles like liking and authority.

No brand is immune and this story also serves as a reminder of the importance of ethical influence. As marketers, we must understand that influence works both ways. While you might dream of scoring a high-profile endorsement, consider the opposite scenario: What if your product ends up in the wrong hands or gets “unendorsed” by a celebrity with significant clout?

Thanks to my friend Richard Johnson, who trained with me under Cialdini over 15 years ago, for bringing the Ronaldo story to my attention. It’s a perfect example of influence through liking and authority—and a powerful lesson for all of us in the world of sales and marketing.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!



Life Lessons from a Marine Father: The Power of Discipline

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Growing Up Under the Influence of a Marine

Being raised by a United States Marine, especially one who served in combat during Vietnam, was anything but ordinary. There were moments when I found my father’s strict ways overwhelming, but as I reflect on those years, I’ve come to appreciate the profound impact they had on my life.

My late father, Captain Brian Ahearn, used the values instilled in him by the Marine Corps  to shape me through countless life lessons. While I might not have understood the importance of discipline as a youngster, I now recognize that it has been the cornerstone of my success and happiness throughout my life.

Discipline: The Bedrock of Success

One of the earliest lessons my father taught me was the value of discipline. For a Marine, discipline isn’t just a concept; it’s a way of life. This approach was ingrained in me from a young age, whether it was waking up early to work out or hitting the books before anything else.

My parents had a tumultuous relationship that culminated in divorce. I vividly remember the day my dad moved out during my sophomore year of high school. In my journal, I wrote:

“I’ve been thinking about how it [dad moving out] might affect me. I think my grades might go down without him pushing me, or I could act like nothing happened and do normal. There are two sides to everything. I know that I’d start staying out late and stuff like that because he wouldn’t be there expecting me home. My discipline will go down the drain, I know that. I guess I sometimes do things because I’m afraid of my dad but not my mom. Neither of them alone would have much control over me, they’re too busy. But together, when one isn’t looking after me, the other is, so I don’t get away with anything. Or, I would have to self-discipline myself, so I don’t get f**ked over because of them. I guess I do need them pushing me. I realize you need all that stuff to be successful, and I think I want to be successful.”

Looking back, I see that discipline wasn’t just about following orders; it was about understanding that success doesn’t come by chance. It’s the result of consistent effort, focus, and the determination to push through even when things get tough.

Applying Discipline in Everyday Life

My father’s lessons on discipline have influenced every aspect of my life. Whether it was during my days as an athlete, an insurance underwriter, or in my later career exploring the science of influence, discipline has always been central to my success. It’s what kept me going when the work wasn’t glamorous and what ensured I never settled for anything less than my best.

I remember my high school football coach, Todd Alles, used to say, “Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.” As I reflect on that, I realize that discipline is the superpower that fuels preparation.

Discipline in Education

When I headed off to college, my dad gave me some simple but powerful advice: “Treat school like a job. Do your classes and work from 8-5, then you can do whatever you want at night and on the weekend.” He was right, and that disciplined approach helped me excel academically.

During finals, I would study for 45 minutes of every hour from 8 AM until 9 PM. It wasn’t easy, but it paid off in spades. That level of discipline carried me through college and into my career, laying the groundwork for the success I enjoy today.

Discipline in Relationships

Discipline isn’t just about work; it’s also about maintaining relationships. In today’s busy world, it’s all too easy to let friendships fall by the wayside. But I’ve learned that discipline can be just as important in relationships as it is in professional life.

One of the ways I’ve maintained long-lasting relationships is through intentional outreach. Decades ago, I started setting reminders to reach out to certain people on a monthly, quarterly, or bi-annual basis. That disciplined approach has led to decades-long friendships.

I also make a point to reach out to people when they come to mind. If someone pops into my head during my morning walk or run, I send them a quick text or email that day. It’s amazing how much people appreciate being thought of, and it’s a small act that can strengthen relationships over time.

Discipline in Family Life

Family is the most important thing in my life, and I’ve found that a disciplined approach can strengthen those bonds too.

When our daughter Abigail was young, we enrolled her in taekwondo. Despite a busy work and travel schedule, I was committed to taking her to the dojo at least two, usually three days a week. That disciplined routine not only helped her develop her martial arts skills (she’s now a 2nd-degree black belt), but it also became a foundation for our relationship because we spent so much time together every week.

Now that Abigail is grown and married, I still make sure to connect with her daily. Every day at 12:34 PM, I send her a text. It’s a small, simple gesture, but it’s one that means a lot to both of us.

With my wife Jane, we’ve always prioritized our relationship by setting aside time for ourselves. Pretty much every Friday night was our date night, even when Abigail was young. That disciplined routine helped us stay connected and has been a cornerstone of our strong marriage.

Discipline in Career

When I started my insurance career, bodybuilding was my top priority. I loved the discipline that came with training, dieting, and competing. People would often comment on how that discipline must be handy in my career, but it took me a while to figure out how to translate that into my professional life.

Once I did, it became second nature to study for insurance designations, read books to increase my knowledge, and consistently get to work early. Discipline wasn’t just a skill; it was a way of life.

Now that I work for myself discipline is even more important because there’s no one telling me what I have to do. I determine my goals, and the actions needed to reach them.

Conclusion: Discipline as the Key to Success

Discipline is the antidote to procrastination, and it’s something we can all cultivate. I’m grateful that a Marine taught me the value of discipline early in life, as it has allowed me to reap the rewards of a disciplined approach in every area of my life.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from my story, it’s this: Discipline isn’t about rigidity; it’s about creating a foundation that allows you to thrive. Whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth, discipline can unlock the doors to success and happiness.

To learn more lessons, pick up a copy of my new book, His Story, My Story, Our Story: Eternal Lessons of Fatherhood, Sacrifice, and Service. Let’s connect and continue the conversation about how discipline can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Referrals without Resistance: A Pre-Suasive Approach to Warm Introductions

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Referrals are the lifeblood of most businesses. Think about it: when you have a satisfied customer, there’s a good chance they know others who could benefit from whatever you offer. But here’s the thing; how do you get warm introductions without coming off as pushy or self-serving?

This is where the concept of pre-suasion—a term popularized by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D.—comes into play. Pre-suasion is the process of setting the stage so that your audience is more receptive to your message before they ever encounter it. It’s about creating a mindset that aligns perfectly with the action you’re going to ask them to take.

So, how do you apply pre-suasion to referrals? Here’s a roadmap to make the process smooth and natural.

What Not to Do

Let’s start with the mistakes many people make when asking for referrals:

  1. Don’t ask for referrals at the close of a sale. At this stage, your client is more focused on their recent purchase decision, and they may not feel comfortable endorsing you to others just yet. In addition, they’ve not had the opportunity to experience your product or service, so they don’t know how satisfied they’ll be.
  2. Avoid handing out business cards and asking clients to distribute them. This often leads to your card ending up in a drawer or, worse, in the trash. Even if you keep them, do you ever have them on you when a conversation arises?

These approaches are transactional, not relational, but more importantly, also miss the mark because they don’t consider the client’s current mindset.

A Better Way: The Pre-Suasive Approach

Imagine this scenario: You’ve just wrapped up a deal with Pat. Instead of immediately asking for referrals, you say:

“Pat, I know you’ve probably had salespeople ask for referrals right after closing a deal. I’m not going to do that. But I do have one small favor to ask: If, six months from now, you’re happy with your decision to switch to our firm, would you be open to talking about referrals?”

This approach works on multiple levels:

  • It’s non-threatening. You’re not asking for an immediate action, which reduces any pressure Pat might feel.
  • It sets up a future commitment. By saying yes now, Pat is making a small commitment that Pat will feel need to honor later.
  • It creates a positive association. When the time comes, assuming Pat is satisfied, she will be more likely to refer others.

Once Pat agrees, give genuine thanks, mentioning how much you appreciate her willingness to help. Finally, set a reminder in your CRM to follow up in six months.

The Follow-Up: Closing the Loop

Fast forward six months. You’ve set a reminder in your CRM, and it’s time to make that call:

“Hi Pat, it’s Jerry from ABC Company. I wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling about your decision to switch to our firm.”

When Pat confirms she’s happy with her choice, you follow up with:

“That’s great to hear! You might recall that when we first spoke, I asked if we could talk about referrals if you were satisfied. Do you have 15-20 minutes next week to discuss others you know that might benefit from our services?”

Because Pat has had a positive experience with your company, your gentle reminder is likely to tap into reciprocity which should lead to a productive conversation about referrals. After the call, send a thank-you email or text to reinforce Pat’s commitment and to keep the idea of referrals top of mind for her.

Pre-Suasion Tactics to Boost Success

Pre-suasion doesn’t stop with just the timing of your ask. It’s about keeping the idea of referrals in Pat’s mind without seeming pushy. Here are some additional considerations:

  • The Reminder: The morning of your call, send a quick text or email: “Pat, just checking if we’re still good to talk about referrals at 3:15 today?” This gentle nudge brings the idea back into focus and primes her to think about referrals ahead of your conversation.
  • Reinforcement: After your call, reinforce the behavior with another thank-you note. Express your appreciation and subtly remind her of the value of her referral.

This simple approach ensures that by the time you ask Pat for referrals, she’s not only ready but eager to help. With this thoughtful pre-suasive approach, you’ve paved the way to make it easier for Pat to say yes by eliciting a public, active, voluntary commitment that will require a little effort.

Conclusion: The Power of Pre-Suasion

The key takeaway here is that getting referrals isn’t just about asking—it’s about asking at the right time, in the right way, and with the right mindset. By leveraging pre-suasion, you set the stage for your client to be more receptive and more willing to help. This approach not only enhances the quality and quantity of referrals you receive but also strengthens the relationship you have with your clients.

Remember, influence is about preparation as much as it is about persuasion. So, next time you’re thinking about asking for a referral, consider how you can pre-suade your client to say yes. It’s a subtle but powerful shift that can make all the difference.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Think Before Posting: Avoiding Online Beat Downs

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As an April Fool’s baby, I’ve often joked, “I may be a fool, but I’m not stupid.” Yet, wisdom doesn’t always come with age, and I’ve made my share of mistakes along the way—one of which taught me a powerful lesson in online communication.

Two Fights, 10 Losses

I’ve only been in two physical fights in my life, but I jokingly tell people I’m 0-10 because so many guys beat me up. Both times—in my early 20s—my emotions got the best of me, fueled by some cheap beer, and I jumped into situations I had no business being in. It turns out that no matter how big and strong you are, when you don’t know how to fight, size doesn’t matter much.

Reflecting on those losses, I’d like to think I’ve learned my lesson about letting emotions dictate my actions. Not long after dipping my toe into blogging and social media, I found myself in another kind of fight—an online one. And this time, the bruises weren’t physical but were humbling, nonetheless.

The Online Beat Down

It all started when a friend shared a link to a website. Curious, I visited and was struck by what I read. The author seemed to extol arrogance as a virtue, which reminded me of Gordon Gekko’s infamous line from Wall Street: “Greed is good.” Except, this time, it was arrogance being celebrated at the expense of humility.

Feeling strongly about this, I posted a comment. In retrospect, my opening line was antagonistic:

“Wow! It’s good to know there’s someone out there so much wiser than all the great thinkers of history who espouse the virtue of humility.”

While I believed my point was valid, I was not prepared for the backlash that followed. Instead of sparking a meaningful discussion, I was met with a wave of negative responses. My character was called into question, and I was painted as some kind of villain. One person even suggested that my issue with humility was a sign of deeper personal problems. Ouch!

Lessons Learned

This experience made me take a step back and reconsider how I approach online interactions. As someone who teaches the art of persuasion and effective communication, I realized that I hadn’t followed my own advice. Here are the key lessons I learned:

  1. Pick Your Battles Wisely: Not every argument is worth engaging in. Sometimes, it’s apparent that you won’t change the other person’s mind, and it’s pointless to waste time and energy. A wise friend once said that arguing with some people is like teaching a pig to sing—it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
  2. Check Your Emotions: Humility doesn’t need me to defend it. Reacting emotionally rather than responding thoughtfully can lead to trouble. It’s better to pause, think, and then decide whether to engage.
  3. Be Tactful: My opening line didn’t invite dialogue; it was antagonistic. Had I framed my comment differently, it might have led to a more productive conversation.

Think Before You Post

Experience is often the best teacher, but some lessons are better learned without having to experience the pain firsthand. I’ve shared this story not to dwell on the specifics of the online debate but to encourage you to think before you post. The online world can be a minefield, and it’s easy to say something that gets taken the wrong way.

In today’s fast-paced digital environment, where communication is instantaneous and often emotionally charged, it’s crucial to pause and consider the impact of our words. Whether you’re commenting on a post, replying to an email, or engaging in a debate, remember that your words have power. Use them wisely. This is especially true with the heated political environment we’re in with election 2024 less than 100 days away.

Call to Action

What about you? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation where you acted on emotion and later regretted it? How do you handle online interactions when emotions run high? Let’s discuss in the comments below. Your insights might just help someone avoid an online “beat down” of their own.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Persuasive Selling – Free Access!

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This weekend was bad! Saturday morning, I threw my back out and it was so painful I passed out. When I came to, Jane was on the phone with 911 because she thought I was having a stroke or heart attack. Ugh!

I made it to the chiropractor Monday morning so I’m slowly on the mend. However, with the last few days having been restricted in many ways, I’m out of my normal routine. One thing that fell by the wayside was writing a blog post.

The good news is, my pain is your gain. 😊 I say that because, rather than writing a blog post I’m going to keep this short and give you fee access to my LinkedIn Learning course, Persuasive Selling.

The course looks at using the principles of influence throughout the sales cycle. Starting with protecting all the way through getting referrals, the course shows you which principles of influence are most effective at each selling step.

You can use this link for one time free access. Please note, once you start the hour-long course, you have 24 hours to finish it.

I hope you enjoy the course and get a few new ideas to boost your sales.

Sincerely,

Brian

 

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Olympic Glory, Outrage, and Love

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Growing up, I loved watching the Summer Olympics. I watched documentaries on past games and read everything I could get my hands on. For a time, I dreamed of being an Olympian.

I was so obsessed with the Olympics that, while at a sales conference during a team competition, there was a bonus question: name as many of the Summer Olympic venues as you can going back to 1968. I told my team I could go back to 1932. As you might guess, we answered the question correctly, and the bonus points put us over the top to win the big prize.

Politics, Social Issues, and the Olympics

The Olympic Games used to be decidedly not political. It was a time when countries set aside differences, with the exception of the years during World War II, and athletes from all over the world came together. It was one of the rare times when we could see that we’re all the same, humans occupying a tiny planet in our vast galaxy.

Things began to change in 1968, a time of social and political upheaval in the United States. During the Mexico City games held that same year, two American track athletes protested on the medal stand, displaying the Black Power sign.

That was followed by the murder of 11 Israeli athletes at the hands of Palestinian terrorists at the 1972 games in Munich.

Then came 1980. America boycotted the Olympics that were to be held in Moscow because of the USSR’s invasion of Afghanistan. It was a tragedy for the American athletes who worked so hard to fulfill their Olympic dreams.

In 1984, the USSR returned the favor (reciprocity) and skipped the Summer Olympics, which were held in Los Angeles.

Fortunately, since the 1980s, the Olympics have steered clear of politics and social issues, focusing primarily on athletic competition.

The 2024 Olympics

However, that changed once again with the recent opening of the Summer Olympics in Paris over the weekend.

Controversy surrounded a scene that was interpreted by many Christians around the world as mocking the Last Supper. If you line up Leonardo da Vinci’s portrait of the Last Supper underneath the scene that was portrayed on television, you will clearly see a close comparison and could understand the angst it caused believers.

However, the organizers of the event said it was a depiction of an ancient Greek Bacchanal, a promiscuous, extravagant party. The Olympics started in Greece, and such a party probably would’ve been common around the time of the first Olympics.

What’s this have to do with influence?

There’s certainly something to be said regarding influence on both sides. From the side of the organizers, perhaps they didn’t anticipate what the potential response might be. If so, perhaps it was just an unintended error.

If they thought about how 2.6 billion Christians across the planet might have interpreted the scene, maybe they would’ve decided to go with something else out of consideration. Or maybe they would have still chosen the same theme because of its ties to ancient Greece. Either way, a case could be made that the decision was tone-deaf.

Tone-deaf is a phrase we hear often nowadays. It occurs when people say or do things without understanding how others might interpret them. Nonetheless, when something is considered offensive to a group, the offended people take to social media to let the offender know about the seriousness of their actions. For many Christians, the committee’s decision was tone-deaf, and they’re voicing their outrage regarding what they saw.

An Appropriate or Inappropriate Response?

As a Christian, because the scene so closely approximates the Last Supper, it bothered me. However, I didn’t take to social media to harshly criticize the organizers or the people who took part in the scene.

Jesus didn’t tell his followers they’d be known by their harsh criticism of the society in which they lived. Rather, He told his followers they’d be known by their love.

There’s a wonderful scene in the series, The Chosen, that mirrors this. In that scene, Jesus and his disciples are in a region known as Samaria. To give context, during that time period, the Jews hated the Samaritans, and the Samaritans hated the Jews.

One morning, Jesus is out with James and John when they say hello to travelers who are passing by. When the Samaritans recognized that Jesus, James, and John are Jews, they spit on them. Indignant, James and John tell Jesus that He should call down lightning from heaven and destroy those people. Does Jesus do it? No! Instead, He has a harsh rebuke for James and John because He said He came to Samaria to preach to the people so they too would know the good news of the kingdom of God.

Think about that for a moment and then consider the responses of so many people online who think they are defending the faith. They aren’t; they’re hurting it.

Who Ate With Jesus?

In particular, the harsh criticism of the people in the Olympic scene was sad and mean-spirited. It’s as though the people leveling the criticism have forgotten who actually ate with Jesus at the Last Supper.

Peter was about to deny Jesus only hours later, and Jesus knew it. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. Matthew was a tax collector, a betrayer of his people when he was working with the Romans. Simon the Zealot was analogous to an Antifa member. Thomas was a doubter, and Judas betrayed Jesus. As for the rest of the disciples, they would all abandon Jesus in his hour of need.

But here’s the thing: with the exception of Judas, who couldn’t live with himself because of what he’d done, the rest of those people changed. Peter turned back to Jesus and became the rock of the church as Jesus had predicted. Mary Magdalene didn’t go back to a life of prostitution. Simon gave up his radical hatred and preached the gospel. Thomas was no longer a doubter. Matthew ceased working with the Roman government to collect taxes. In the end, all were martyred for their faith. In other words, every one of those people changed because of their association with and love for Christ.

Neither God nor Jesus needs to be defended. The only defense Christians are called to is to give reasons for their faith. Beyond that, we’re called to love (unity) as Christ loved. Every human that Jesus interacted with was a sinner. Despite their connection to Christ, even the disciples continued to sin, but certainly much less and not in the ways they had before. We don’t become perfect because of our faith in Christ, but when we’re following Him, and our hearts are open to His teaching, we will continue to be transformed into His image.

Conclusion

To those who are not of the faith, I would simply point out that it would be prudent to consider how people who aren’t like you might interpret what you say or do. Trying to avoid being tone-deaf is what many marginalized people are hoping for from others, so it would be wise to extend the same consideration (reciprocity).

To those who are of the faith, Jesus said it’s okay to be angry, but do not sin in your anger. Much of the time, we’re responding because we’re more offended personally than we are brokenhearted on behalf of Christ. I think that’s why we’re warned that the righteousness of man does not achieve the aims of God.

If Jesus loved the disciples, a group of people who were seriously flawed, then it’s certain that He would love every one of the people who was sitting at that table during the Olympics. That means we’re also called to love them, even if they reject that love because Jesus was ultimately rejected too.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!