How a Simple Essay Contest Influenced a Company-Wide Culture Shift

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In September 1996, John Petrucci joined State Auto Insurance as an Agency Development Specialist. That’s when our focus on sales really started to come to the forefront. I had the good fortune of learning more about sales in that first year with John than I had in my previous ten in the industry!

John resurrected an old company slogan: “Everybody Sells State Auto.” We shortened it to ESSA, and the message was simple—no matter your role, you had a hand in selling.

Even the mailroom? Absolutely. When mailroom employees did their jobs efficiently, agents and policyholders received timely communication. That’s part of great service and great service keeps customers coming back.

Of course, in any large organization, some people embrace the message while others tune it out. So, we got creative—and tapped into a little psychology.

I had been writing a monthly intranet publication called ESSA to highlight how different teams and individuals were contributing to our sales growth. Then we added a twist: an ESSA(Y) Contest.

We invited employees to write short essays about how they were helping to “sell” State Auto. Everyone who submitted an entry received a sleek pen with the ESSA logo. At year-end, we randomly selected two winners to have dinner with our CEO.

Over 180 people participated—nearly 10% of the company. And something fascinating happened.

People didn’t just write essays. They started thinking differently about their roles. They took more pride in their contributions. They looked for ways to add value.

What Made It Work?

Behind this idea were several principles from Dr. Robert Cialdini’s research on ethical influence:

  1. Consistency

Retailers have long known that asking customers to write why they prefer a product increases brand loyalty. When people reflect and articulate their reasons, they naturally become more committed. Why? Because we want to act in alignment with what we say and believe.

By encouraging employees to write how they were helping the company succeed, we invited them to see themselves as part of the sales process—and once they did, they were more likely to continue that behavior.

  1. Social Proof

As submissions rolled in and were shared across the company in the monthly publication, employees saw how their peers were contributing. That visibility created a ripple effect. The more people saw others like them stepping up, the more likely they were to follow suit.

  1. Authority

When respected employees—those with strong reputations—shared their stories, their actions carried extra weight. People naturally look to trusted experts for cues on how to behave and succeed. That’s the power of perceived authority.

  1. Reward (Not Reciprocity)

Some might assume the contest used reciprocity—but it didn’t. Reciprocity is about being the first to give. In our case, we offered rewards after participation—a well-crafted pen and the chance for dinner with the CEO. Those were incentives, not reciprocation. And they worked.

Why This Still Matters Today

This small initiative had a big impact—and not just because of clever branding or nice giveaways. It worked because it tapped into core motivators of human behavior.

People want to feel that their work matters. They want to be seen, heard, and part of something bigger. Influence, when applied ethically, helps reveal that meaning and motivates action.

So, here’s my encouragement: Don’t wait for a massive campaign or top-down directive. Look for creative, principled ways to engage your team. Influence isn’t just about changing minds—it’s about shaping cultures.

Your Turn

Have you seen something like this work in your organization? Maybe you’ve launched a campaign, started a recognition program, or used storytelling to shift behavior. Share your experience in the comments—I’d love to learn from you, and so would others.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Our European Adventure

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You may have noticed there haven’t been any blog posts for several weeks. That’s because Jane and I took a vacation to Europe with two of our closest friends.

We started in Lyon, France. Lyon is set on the Saone River. What a beautiful city and so easy to access by foot.

From there we headed to Switzerland for the remainder of our trip.

We visited Zermatt, home of the Matterhorn. We were blessed with a few clear days so we could take in the majesty of the mountain as we took a lift up the mountain.

From there, we traveled to Wengen and saw incredible sights high up in the mountains.

Our next stop was a town I’d never heard of before—Flims. It turned out to be a wonderful surprise, as was the Airbnb we stayed in. The coolest thing we did there was ride to the top of a mountain, where a restaurant was built into the side of the cliff.

We ended our journey with a day in Zurich, exploring the old city.

Our flight home turned into an unexpected adventure. We were supposed to fly directly from Zurich to Chicago, but due to several medical emergencies onboard, we were diverted to Iceland. We didn’t get to tour Iceland, but at least we added another country to our list!

If you ever get a chance to visit Switzerland—take it! It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Words like amazing, spectacular, and stunning don’t come close to doing it justice.

Beyond the breathtaking views, what also stood out was Switzerland’s infrastructure. Their highways, tunnels, and rail system are incredibly well-designed and efficient.

Even though the pictures we took are pretty spectacular, they still don’t capture the full beauty of what we experienced. It was so surreal that we often commented it felt like we were in a postcard.

Next week, I’ll return to a regular blog post—but in the meantime, enjoy the pictures!

 

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Kindness or Conflict: What Cycle Are You Creating?

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What does it mean to be virtuous?

Most of us would say it means having good character—being kind, honest, and doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.

Now consider the opposite: to be vicious.

That might sound extreme, but it doesn’t have to mean physically violent. Viciousness can show up subtly, and not so subtly, as cruelty, malice, or spite.

And here’s where it gets interesting: both virtue and vice can play out through the same powerful principle—reciprocity.

The Power Behind Reciprocity

When I teach about influence, I often describe reciprocity as a virtuous cycle. But for that to work, we need to understand something deeper about liking—one of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s seven principles of influence.

Most people think liking is about getting others to like you. That’s okay, but the more powerful—and often overlooked—part is you coming to genuinely like others.

When we take the time to see the good in people, notice what we have in common, or offer a sincere compliment, we begin to feel more connected. And when we like someone, it’s only natural to want to help them.

When Giving Comes From a Good Place

That’s when authentic reciprocity kicks in.

When you extend a helping hand with no strings attached, people recognize it. They feel it. They appreciate it. And because reciprocity is wired into us (every society teaches it), they’re more likely to give something back—not out of obligation, but because they want to.

That’s how the cycle becomes virtuous. It builds goodwill. It strengthens relationships. It leads to more generosity, not less.

I’ve seen it play out countless times in my life and career. I give without expecting anything in return—maybe a kind word, a small favor, a thoughtful text, or some extra effort to support someone—and what comes back is often greater than what I gave.

That generosity encourages me to keep giving. And the cycle continues.

The Dark Side of Reciprocity

But there’s a flip side.

Just as reciprocity can lift people up, it can also drag them down.

That’s what I call the vicious cycle.

Think about someone who feels wronged. Instead of letting it go or having a constructive conversation, they wait for their chance to “even the score.” And when they do, the other person—now feeling hurt—hits back.

What started as a single slight spirals into an ongoing tit-for-tat. Both sides dig in. The relationship deteriorates. The cycle of retaliation keeps turning.

Where Do We See It?

You don’t have to look far to find examples:

  • Political parties locked in endless conflict
  • Labor and management constantly at odds
  • Families stuck in years-long silence

Sometimes it plays out in painful, personal ways. Maybe two friends or relatives have a falling out. One refuses to apologize because they feel justified. The other is hurt and sees no reason to make the first move.

Both are stuck—waiting for the other to blink.

Breaking the Cycle

But here’s the thing: when someone finally steps forward with a sincere apology—when they own their part without defensiveness—it can break the cycle.

That vulnerability often softens the other person, who then acknowledges their own role. Trust begins to rebuild. And sometimes, the relationship grows stronger than before.

It’s not guaranteed. But someone has to go first.

Your Choice, Your Impact

Every interaction is a chance to choose the cycle.

Will it be virtuous—built on liking, kindness, and sincere giving?
Or will it be vicious—fueled by resentment, retaliation, and ego?

The choice is yours. And while you can’t control how others respond, you can control what you bring to the relationship—and trust that reciprocity will do its job.

Start with liking. Find common ground. Offer a kind word.
Look for what’s good in people and let that guide your actions. Reciprocity will follow. And when it does, you’ll find yourself in a cycle worth repeating.

What about you?

Have you ever broken a vicious cycle by choosing to go first?

Or experienced the ripple effect of a virtuous act that came back to you in a meaningful way?

I encourage you to share your thoughts because your story might be just what someone else needs to hear today.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Sharing is Caring…But Sometimes Less is More

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Have you ever been in a conversation that quietly slipped from dialogue into monologue? Or watched someone walk into a room and take over the discussion like a vacuum sucking all the air out?

You’re not alone. Most of us have felt the discomfort of being on the receiving end of conversational domination. The irony is, the talker may think they’re building rapport—but they’re doing the opposite. Good intentions get drowned out in a tidal wave of words.

Here’s the truth: when it comes to influence, sharing is caring—but sometimes, less is more.

Over two decades of teaching ethical influence, leadership communication, and relationship-driven selling have made one truth very clear: the best influencers often speak the least. Whether it’s a top-performing salesperson, an admired leader, or a trusted friend, the people we enjoy talking with most usually aren’t the ones doing all the talking. They’re asking thoughtful questions. They’re listening. They’re guiding.

Talk Less, Ask More

According to some of the best salespeople—and my personal experience—great salespeople talk about 25–30% of the time during customer conversations. Why? Because they understand the power of asking the right questions. In Persuasive Selling, I talk about questions being like the rudder of a ship—small, but capable of steering the entire conversation. That’s ethical influence in action: steering with intent, but not force.

This same dynamic applies outside of sales. Former President Bill Clinton, for example, was often praised as a brilliant communicator. Why? Because he made people feel seen and heard. He asked about them. People walked away feeling valued—often realizing later that he did very little of the talking.

Influence Is a Two-Way Street

Ethical influence isn’t about controlling others; it’s about connection. In Influence PEOPLE, I write that influence is all about PEOPLE—those Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade (and Pre-suade) in ways that are Lasting and Ethical. One of the most powerful ways to engage people is to show interest in them. That begins with a question.

Dale Carnegie, in How to Win Friends and Influence People, famously said: “Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.” He told a story of chatting with a woman at a party, mostly listening while she spoke at length in response to questions he asked. Later, she praised him as a great conversationalist—though he’d barely said a word.

There’s a lesson in that for all of us.

The FOLDER Method

If you’re wondering how to get better at asking questions without feeling awkward or forced, try the FOLDER method. Thank you, Wes Bryant, for introducing me to the framework. This simple approach gives you six go-to topics for questions you’ll want to put in your mental folder:

  • Family – Ask about their family, which shows care without assuming specifics.
  • Occupation – “What do you do for a living?” is universally accessible.
  • Location – “Where do you live?” or “Where have you lived that was most interesting?”
  • Dreams – Inquire about goals or what they hope to accomplish.
  • Education – Ask what or how they’ve learned (formal or informal).
  • Recreation – “What do you do for fun?” opens the door to passions and hobbies.

This framework isn’t just for sales—it’s for life. It creates space for others to talk, and in that space, trust begins to form.

Influence Through Curiosity

In The Influencer, I use storytelling to show how a curious, attentive communicator becomes more persuasive—not through pressure, but through presence. Influence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being the one others want to talk to.

It’s not about being interesting but being interested. And here’s the beautiful paradox: the less you talk about yourself, quite often the more interesting you become. People gravitate toward those who show genuine interest in them.

Final Thoughts

Whether you’re at a networking event, a client meeting, or a family dinner, remember: You don’t need to dominate to lead the conversation. Ask a great question. Then ask a follow-up. That’s how you guide.

Because in the end, you’ll build more connections, win more trust, and deepen more relationships by becoming interested—instead of trying to be interesting.

Sharing is caring…but sometimes, less is more.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

Dallas Willard and C.S. Lewis on Lived Experience

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Last week, I shared some thoughts on the rise of “lived experience” and the need to interpret those experiences carefully—because, as I put it, lived experience is an “N of 1.”

That post sparked got me thinking more deeply about a related question: What do we use to measure our experiences against?

In this week’s post was prompted by a deep discussion with ChatGPT. I want to take the idea of lived experience a step further by looking at the insights of two profound thinkers—Dallas Willard and C.S. Lewis—both of whom have a lot to say about truth, morality, and why our personal experiences need a larger framework to have lasting meaning.

A Broader Perspective

While it’s important to respect people’s lived experience, it’s just as important to place that experience within a larger moral and philosophical framework. As I mentioned earlier, lived experience is an “N of 1.” And that’s the crux of the problem—it’s limited by the nature of personal perspective. But what happens when we act as though our one experience defines the truth?

What Dallas Willard Might Say

Dallas Willard addressed this very issue in The Disappearance of Moral Knowledge. He warned that we’ve drifted into a cultural mindset where objective moral truth has been replaced by subjective interpretation. Morality, once considered a form of knowledge, is now treated as personal opinion. Willard’s concern wasn’t that people have experiences—of course they do—but that we’ve begun to treat those experiences as the sole authority for what is right, good, or true. But as he would say, just because something is deeply felt doesn’t make it morally valid.

What C.S. Might Say

Similarly, C.S. Lewis argued in Mere Christianity that there exists a Natural Law—a shared moral framework that transcends culture and time. He pointed out that while societies may differ in how they express values, all human cultures recognize moral principles like fairness, honesty, and courage. In that view, lived experience is best understood in light of a greater moral order, not in isolation from it.

What Willard and Lewis offer is a caution: when lived experience becomes untethered from shared moral knowledge, it becomes easy to confuse personal truth with universal truth. That leads to fragmentation—not just in society, but within each of us.

Listen to Lived Experience: Value and Learn from It

While our lived experience shapes our reality, always ask: How does this experience fit within a larger moral reality? What wisdom from centuries of human reflection—across faiths, philosophies, and cultures—can help me interpret it rightly?

In a world that increasingly shouts, “my truth,” we would do well to pause and ask:
What is the truth—and how can we know it, live it, and share it wisely?

Written in conjunction with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Lived Experience Is an N of 1

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What if your experience isn’t the whole story?

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the phrase “lived experience.” It’s a term that’s showing up in the news and social media—and for good reason. Our individual experiences shape our beliefs, decisions, and how we show up in the world. But there’s a subtle danger in putting too much weight on one person’s story—especially when it comes to how we influence others.

No two people are the same. Not even identical twins. Despite sharing DNA, they encounter different people, moments, and meaning throughout their lives. And they interpret those experiences differently, too. The same could be said for experiences in one society versus another or one station in life as opposed to another (i.e. younger vs. older)

One of my favorite perspectives on this comes from C.S. Lewis. In Mere Christianity he shares the story of a British pilot who said he didn’t need theology because he had “experienced God alone in the desert.” Lewis acknowledged that experience is deeply personal and can feel more “real” than anything written in a book.

But he made a brilliant comparison. He said that someone standing on a beach, staring at the Atlantic, has a vivid personal experience of the ocean. But what if you want to navigate that ocean? You’re better off with a map—a tool that compiles thousands of observations over time.

That’s what research gives us. That’s what big data does. And when it comes to influence, we need both—the beach and the map.

The Risk of Relying on a Single Experience

It’s tempting to try an influence technique, get a surprising result, and think, “See? That doesn’t work in the real world.” Or the opposite—you use an approach that contradicts research, but somehow it works once, so you keep doing it.

Here’s the thing: Just because it worked for you once doesn’t make it universal.

Let me put it this way—your Aunt Mabel might’ve smoked two packs a day and lived to 102. That doesn’t mean you should fire up packs of Marlboro and see what happens.

That’s what we call an n of 1—one person, one outcome, and no guarantees it’ll happen again.

In the same way, someone might try a research-backed approach to influence—like social proof or reciprocity—and have it fall flat. That doesn’t mean the approach is flawed. It just means people are complex. Variables shift. Timing matters.

But if you had a chance to increase your success rate by 10%, 20%, maybe even 30%, wouldn’t it be worth testing a more proven path?

Real-World Influence Is Rooted in Research

In my books—Influence PEOPLE, Persuasive Selling, and The Influencer—I talk a lot about the importance of scientific principles when it comes to ethically influencing people.

Research doesn’t promise perfection. It doesn’t mean we always get the outcome we want. But it gives us the best odds—the most reliable patterns for behavior change, decision-making, and persuasion.

Even Dr. Robert Cialdini, the most cited living social psychologist on the science of influence (and my mentor), doesn’t always get his way. Why? Because people are still people. We’re not robots. We have histories, preferences, and hang-ups.

That’s why I remind people in my workshops and courses: influence isn’t a magic wand. But it is a multiplier. It moves more people in your direction more often. And that’s powerful and important for your success and happiness.

Small Shifts Create Big Outcomes

Let’s ground this in reality.

If you’re a salesperson closing 3 out of 10 deals, and influence principles help you move that to 4 out of 10—that’s a 33% increase in results!

If voter turnout in an election goes from 65% to 70% because of an effective influence strategy to get out the vote, that seemingly “small” swing could change the outcome.

These aren’t massive, life-overhauling transformations. They’re small bigs, intentional nudges that lead to meaningful, measurable change.

Your Lived Experience Matters—But So Does Learning

Your life experience has shaped you. It’s real. It’s valid. But what if it’s also limited?

What if your “truth” is actually an outlier?
What if something you dismissed as ineffective was just missing the right context or delivery?

That’s why I encourage professionals to look beyond their own experience—to be curious about the science, not just the stories.

Experience can be a harsh teacher. If I want my grandson Emmett to avoid getting burned, I don’t want him to experience it for himself. I want him to learn from me, from his parents, from thousands of years of other people’s hard-earned wisdom.

Influence works the same way.

Let your lived experience inform you—but let research guide you.

Conclusion

Have you ever had an “n of 1” experience that shaped your beliefs about persuasion, leadership, or success?

👉 Have you ever written something off because it didn’t work once?
👉 Or doubled down on something risky because it worked once?

I’d love to hear your stories because together, we’re building something bigger than one perspective. We can build a map or create a theology.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

More Than Smart, Wisdom Sets You Apart

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“Human beings are no more intelligent than we were thirty thousand years ago. Our cumulative knowledge has grown by leaps and bounds…but knowledge is not the same thing as intelligence, which is still not the same thing as wisdom.”
— John Mark Comer, Live No Lies

Let’s begin with a few Oxford Dictionary definitions:

  • Knowledge: “facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.”
  • Intelligence: “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”
  • Wisdom: “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.”

Here’s an analogy to drive home (pun intended) the differences : Knowledge is like a map. Intelligence is the ability to read it. Wisdom is knowing the best route to take—and when to take it.

The Internet Knowledge Explosion

When the internet arrived, it blew the doors off traditional access to knowledge. Suddenly, you could find an answer to almost anything, anytime, anywhere. And now, with AI, we’re supercharging intelligence—understanding how to acquire and apply knowledge faster than ever.

But are we using that intelligence wisely?

The Future of Knowledge

Futurist Gerd Leonhard, referencing Buckminster Fuller’s Knowledge Doubling Curve, shared this striking insight:

“Until 1900, human knowledge doubled every century. After World War II, it doubled every 25 years. Today, knowledge is doubling every 13 months—and with the growth of the Internet of Things, it may soon double every 12 hours.”

We’re not short on information. And now, with the advent of AI, we’re certainly not lacking the tools to apply it. But wisdom? That’s still rare—and desperately needed.

Doubt that? Just look around. Despite all our progress, many people across the globe still struggle to meet basic needs like employment, healthcare, and food. If intelligence alone solved problems, we’d be in a much better place.

Intelligence gets you hired but wisdom gets you followers.

Wisdom is earned. It’s not about knowing a lot—it’s about learning through experience, reflection, failure, and growth. It’s what inspires trust and confidence in others.

When I teach about influence and persuasion, someone almost always says, “This feels like common sense.” And my reply is always the same:

“There’s a difference between knowing and doing. Wisdom is the application of knowledge.”

Those who stick with me with an open mind start to realize, even though they “know” certain things when it comes to influence, there are nuances they never considered, and those small changes can lead to big differences when it comes to hearing “Yes!” It can be a game-changer in sales, leadership, and relationships.

So, here’s a question for you to consider as you move through your week:

Am I operating today from knowledge, intelligence, or wisdom?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Quarterly Newsletter – New Book, New Grandson, New Milestones – Spring Updates from Brian Ahearn

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Exciting News! When I published my last newsletter I wrote, “By the time you read my next newsletter, Jane and I will be grandparents! Our daughter Abigail and her husband Tyler are expecting in March.” On March 14 at 7:33 PM, Emmett James Ahearn—affectionately known as ‘Pancake’—arrived! 😊

Something I’ve learned in the few weeks since his arrival is the difference between happiness and joy. In February, while on vacation in Florida, Jane got her first hole in one. She was SOOOOO happy! But when she holds Emmett, the look on her face is pure joy.

I hope this year is off to a great start. No matter where you are relative to your goals, you have nine months left to reach them or blow them away! Best of luck!

Sincerely,
Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

✅ Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.

✅ How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.

✅ What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.

✅ Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Last quarter I was in Columbus, Denver, and Tucson to work with clients and by the time you read this, I’ll be in New Jersey working with another. This is in addition to working with the Cialdini Institute to lead a Cohort to become Cialdini Licensed Trainers. Want to become a Cialdini Licensed Trainer? The next Cohort starts in May and spots are limited so don’t wait. Click here to learn more or reach out to me directly.

Writing

My upcoming book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith and Influence Meet, explores the connection between Dr. Cialdini’s principles of influence and spiritual truths. I’m shooting for a late summer or early fall release so stay tuned.

I’d been thinking about the book for quite some time but was having trouble getting started. I decided to use the principle of consistency on myself. In January I posted on LinkedIn that I was going to start the book. That simple act of accountability was the kick in the pants that I needed.

I’m happy to tell you, the writing is done and I’ve sent the unedited manuscript to several people for advice. I’m very proud to share that Dr. Cialdini loved it, saying he’s never seen anything like it. That made my day!

If you want to check out the Preface, click here.

In Case You Missed It…

Here are a couple of new podcasts you may want to check out.

The Inquisitor Podcast – Mastering Influence in Sales

Podcast host Marcus Cauchi invited me on the show to talk all things sales. Specifically, we had a detailed conversation about Dr. Robert Cialdini’s principles of persuasion and their ethical application for salespeople. Click here to discover how persuasion principles help salespeople thrive ethically in high-stakes conversations..

 

Time To Shine Today – His Story, My Story, Our Story

Scott Ferguson is a veteran, podcaster, peak performance business coach, and friend. He had me on his show several years ago to talk about influence. After reading His Story, Our story, My Story: Eternal Lessons of Fatherhood, Sacrifice, and Service, Scott invited me back for a very different conversation. Click here to find out about the impact my father’s time in the Marines and Vietnam had on me growing up in his shadow.

Best of…

Below are recommendations for you when it comes to your reading, listening, and watching pleasure. I’m confident you’ll have some new ideas from each listed resource just as I did.

Read

Thinking, Fast and Slow was written by the late Daniel Kahneman. He passed away just over a year ago, so that anniversary prompted me to pick up the book again. It’s one of the best psychology books of the last 25 years! It explores what influences decision making, so it’s a must read for Cialdini fans. One of the big takeaways is his exploration of System 1 and System 2 thinking. System 1 is the intuitive, automatic, fast thinking that drives 95% or more of our daily decisions. System 2 is the slower, more deliberate thinking that requires deep thought, time and effort. Reading the book will open your eyes to what makes us tick and why people make so many seemingly irrational decisions.

Listen

I’ve mentioned Making Sense before, a podcast hosted by Sam Harris. One episode in particular caught my attention and I thought it would be worth sharing. “What if Consciousness is Fundamental” was an episode where Sam interviewed his wife, Annaka, about consciousness. In turn, she shared interviews she had with leading thinkers around the topic. At just over two hours, it’s long compared to most podcasts but so interesting.

Watch

Atypical is a four season Netflix series about Sam, a teenager with autism. It looks at many of the struggles people have when they are on the autism spectrum as well as the challenges faced by family members and friends. It’s funny, raw, and enlightening.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Most Powerful Principle of Influence Is…

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I get this question all the time:

“Which principle of influence is the most powerful?”

My answer?

It depends.

(Yeah, I know—that’s not as satisfying as a silver bullet answer. But when it comes to human behavior, one-size-fits-all just doesn’t work.)

Influence Is Contextual

Human decision making and behavior is complex. That’s why I teach three frameworks to help people understand when to use which principle of persuasion. Success depends on knowing how to apply the right principle at the right time, with the right person.

Let me walk you through the three frameworks:

1. Core Motive Model (from Dr. Gregory Neidert)
Dr. Gregory Neidert, Dr. Cialdini’s partner at INFLUENCE AT WORK, developed this model. The key is knowing what you’re trying to accomplish.

  • Build relationships?
  • Help someone overcome uncertainty?
  • Get someone to take action?

2. The Sales Cycle
From prospecting to referrals, each stage of the sales process benefits from different principles.

3. DEAL Model (Dealing with Personalities)
Even when the message stays the same, how you deliver it should vary depending on the person in front of you. Same message, different path.

A Story of Unity…and Consistency

Here’s a real-life example from my own world.

My best friend, Russell—best man at my wedding—has been working just an hour and a half from my house. Naturally, I invited him to come stay for the weekend. But he said no.

Why?

Despite having nearly 50 years of close friendship and experiences (Unity) under our belt, consistency drove his decision. He’d promised someone else that he would help them move some furniture over the weekend. He made a promise, and sticking to that commitment mattered more than doing something he might’ve preferred.

That’s the beauty of understanding these principles. One principle doesn’t “win” in all situations. It’s about which one fits best at that moment.

Social Proof vs. Authority

Both Social Proof and Authority help people move past uncertainty. But when should you lean into one over the other?

  • Fact-based decisions? Use Authority. People trust experts when the data matters.
  • Preference-based choices? Use Social Proof. We tend to follow people like us when making subjective decisions.

Let’s say you’re buying a mattress. If you want the best-rated for spinal alignment, you’ll likely seek an expert (Authority). If you’re after what’s most comfortable, you’ll check reviews from folks who’ve actually slept on it (Social Proof).

Reciprocity: The Wild Card

We love to say yes to friends—and even more so when they’ve done something for us. That’s Reciprocity. But get this: Reciprocity is so powerful, we’ll often say yes to people we don’t even like, just to “even the score.”

It’s not about feelings—it’s about the psychological need to balance the scales.

Beyond Definitions: Knowledge vs. Wisdom

Here’s something I see all the time:
People believe they understand influence because they can define the principles.

But wisdom isn’t in the knowing—it’s in the applying.

Real influence happens when you move from knowledge to application. That’s where behavior changes. That’s where relationships deepen. That’s where professional success and personal happiness take root.

And that’s why I do what I do.

Want to Go Deeper?

If you’re ready to move from “I know that” to “I’m very good using that,” here are a few ways I can help:

  • My Website – 15 years of blog posts, 200+ podcast episodes, and practical videos
  • My Books – Real-life application of Dr. Cialdini’s principles in a relatable way
  • LinkedIn Courses – Learn how to use influence in sales and coaching
  • The Cialdini Institute – Whether you want to take a course or become a certified trainer, I’ve got your back

Influence Is a Life Skill

With the recent birth of our first grandchild, Emmett, I’ve been reminded: influence starts early. Crying? That’s influence. Smiling? Influence again. Emmett gets what he wants and needs!

In our careers, we use influence every single day. In fact, studies show we spend around 40% of our workday using the skill of influence—and that doesn’t even count our time at home.

So, if you’re using a skill that often…doesn’t it make sense to learn how to use it well?

I believe the ability to ethically influence PEOPLE (Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical) is the critical skill for achieving your professional goals and personal happiness.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Influenced from Above – Sneak Peek

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Below is the preface to my next book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith Meets Influence. I’m shooting for a release date in September.

Preface

“What I want to know is: where is God in all this?”

—Abigail Ahearn

My daughter’s question over lunch in July 2019 stopped me in my tracks. The day before, I’d given a presentation on Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence, a topic I had studied and taught for years, and Abigail was in the audience. Her question made me realize—I had never seriously considered where faith fit into the influence equation.

As we sat outside a Mexican restaurant on a beautiful summer day, her question ignited a conversation and sparked a burning desire within me to explore the question of how faith and influence intersect.

The more we spoke, some connections became obvious: The Lord’s call to “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you” was a clear application of reciprocity.

Others weren’t so clear, at least on the surface. For example, I told Abigail about the principle of liking, that it’s easier for people to say “yes” to you if they like you. Everyone gets that because it seems like common sense. But most people miss this key element; it’s more about you liking the people you’re with than it is trying to get them to like you. That subtle difference? It changes everything.

I recall telling her, “I can’t necessarily talk about love in a corporate setting but if people use this principle the right way, it gets them pretty close to love. Why? Because we naturally want what’s best for people we consider friends, often placing their wellbeing above our own. When they know we truly care for them, they become much more open to whatever we might ask or propose.”

In the years since that conversation, I began to think more and more about how the principles of influence had a connection to faith. I’ve not come across any resource that blends those topics, so I set out to change that. The more I explored, the more I realized something profound—these principles weren’t just useful strategies for persuasion; they were fundamental truths about human nature. And if they reflect something deeper within us, might they point to something—or Someone—greater?

The answer, I believe, is God. He designed us to respond to certain psychological and relational cues because they reflect deeper spiritual realities. And that’s where science comes in. Some see a conflict between science and faith, but I see confirmation. The more I study influence, the more clearly I see science confirming what Scripture has proclaimed for centuries. In fact, it excites me when I discover how biblical principles are supported by findings from science. Here’s one example:

Jesus told his followers, “You cannot serve God and mammon (money).” In Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior, authors Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman, share results from brain imaging studies. They wrote, “Unlike, say, the parts of our brain that control movement and speech, the pleasure center and the altruistic center cannot both function at the same time; either one or the other is in control” (p. 141). They go on, “It’s as if we have two ‘engines’ running our brains that can’t operate simultaneously. We can approach a task either altruistically or from a self-interested perspective” (p. 142). Isn’t it fascinating that Jesus’s words from 2,000 years ago are being validated by modern brain science?

The principles of influence are validated by science too. Social psychologists and behavioral economists create rigorously controlled experiments designed to find out how people respond in different situations. Of course, everyone doesn’t respond exactly the same but with large enough samples, we see consistent patterns in how people respond to different influence approaches.

In 2021, I released my third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness. It’s a business parable designed to teach readers about the principles of influence in a story format. It follows John Andrews, an ordinary person who—through mentors, coaches, and real-life experiences—becomes an extraordinary influencer.

The more I thought about influence, faith, and The Influencer, I saw an opportunity to address the faith and influence connection in a similar story approach with John Andrews in his next phase of life. Unlike The Influencer, which focused primarily on influence in business, Influenced from Above continues John’s journey, but this time it’s not just about worldly success—it’s about eternal significance.

I mentioned faith and science earlier. I hope by reading this book, you’ll see the two don’t have to be in opposition. I invite you to explore the principles of influence with me—not just as tools for success and happiness, but as a way to live out your faith boldly, influence others for good, and leave an eternal impact.

—Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!